This is a very very draft draft - trying to get thing sorted in my head - and this is what this blog is about.
A man stands on a chair - announces the following while modeling three different mobile devices:
"Twitter, the site that you take everywhere. The site where you report everything. Microblogging. Because everyone wants to know what you are doing twenty-four-seven. . . Including your overprotective mother, and neo nazi ex boyfriend. Lets you tell others when your down. When your desperate. When you have nothing more to give.
Blogging lets your write what you want. Micro blogging is not blogging at all. It's step by step stalker access central. Its the end of the world. Its the taste of salt on your lips."
The man sits down and assumes a slouch. Laptop in front of him, binoculars in hand.
"Twitter - Watching a movie. Life - watching my neighbor. It's ok. I follow him in life on and off.... on and off line that is. 7.45 - he gets undressed and does sit ups. Twitter - 7.45, feeds the cat and reads the paper.
Sometimes I want to Twitter "watching neighbor feed the cat and read the paper, and finding it oddly interesting" to see if he notices. But why should he. We have an understanding. He pretends I don't exist. I watch him every minute he spends at home.
*Fill in some more stuff here to come - need to sort some more in my head.
So from here I want to move onto two separate stories - one I know and will include in a later blog - one i will make clear in my head soon...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Random Poem #4
Connect
by Action Wolfe
Connection lost.
Server over powered.
Reconnecting....
Server not found.
Reconnecting....
Server not found.
Where is server?
Who is server?
Why can I not find my server?
Oh, is it because I want the wrong server?
Is it because the server I like has different networking?
Why can't I just find a server of my own.?
One with good connection.
One that I.... I have been waiting for...
... and will remain to... I guess that's all I can do.
Reconnecting....
Server still not found.
by Action Wolfe
Connection lost.
Server over powered.
Reconnecting....
Server not found.
Reconnecting....
Server not found.
Where is server?
Who is server?
Why can I not find my server?
Oh, is it because I want the wrong server?
Is it because the server I like has different networking?
Why can't I just find a server of my own.?
One with good connection.
One that I.... I have been waiting for...
... and will remain to... I guess that's all I can do.
Reconnecting....
Server still not found.
xx Action Wolfe
"We can't get this and Footloose!"
Ok - last night I watched a movie with my mate. Fair enough we got it as a joke but it kinda got me kinda laughing at how lame the movie was.
It was called "East Side Story" - and believe it or not it's gayer than it looks... which seems like a hard thing to do. We originally got it because it said it had a "touching storyline" and also "avoids stereotypes about gay society". . . seriously... how the fuck is this avoiding all stereotypes about gay society. I mean for fuck!
At one point the character introduce their friends who want to buy the house their living in as say "Hey guys - these are my friends Adam and Steve." I mean. Wow. Adam and Steve... how original. Defiantly not a gay joke waiting to happen.
"Finding love in east Los Angeles is challenging, especially for a young closeted gay man. At times, sexy and romantic." I mean for fuck again! There are a billion and one gay guys partying in a house across the road from him... yet he still can't find a boyfriend. Alas when he gets one his either in denial or already has a boyfriend. I mean Oh my god!
At one point one of the main characters said "Super Dooper Fabulous"... How is that not a stereotype then what the hell is. hahaha.
This is just skimming the surface as to how.... hrm... I don't know how to describe it.... Gay? ... no... __________ this film is.
If you get a chance to watch it try and make it through the whole two hours. For half of it I sat ith my mouth open going "I can't beleive I'm watching this and not getting outraged."
hahaha - that is it for now peeps.
xx Action Wolfe
Friday, March 27, 2009
C aye N aye D aye
Forever I have been fixated on traveling across Canada.
It just looks like such a picturesque country, which would be a nice place to visit. I don't actually know what to plan to do while I'm over there but I kinda feel like planning as I go over there.
I do know the first few weeks I want to spend in New York - Seeing all my Broadway shows and musicals. Then travel up the coast then along the Canadian/American boarder, visiting all the pit stop's that interest me along the way- mainly for sight seeing.
Why am I planning this now. Because It's all I can think of at the moment. My life is slowly grading away at me and my thoughts are doing myself in. That's why, to be frank.
Motions, smiles, dedications, creations, failures.
Present, Represent, Resent - that is my current motto.
Canada is the one think making me go forward in life at the moment.
The one reward I get from my multiple goals set down at the moment. And its at least 2 and a half years away.
... the one thing that bothers me is that I feel like the kid I was in leavers... for those non-aussies reading this that's an aussie version of spring break. I don't know why I think this.
xx Action Wolfe
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Present > Represent > Resent
I have to write a monologue soon. Those who know me, know that I like to do out there controversial monologues for my university course. Last time I did a 5 minute Non-Verbal Monologue, where I confronted the question of Suicide and Sexuality. In it I wrote gay slurs and slashed my wrists with lipstick throughout its duration with the help of music.
I come to this monologue, with no boundaries, no outlines, no outline as to what to do. Just that it must include production aspects. Wow - specific.
The problem I'm having is how controversial is too controversial. I want something that has occurred in the real world, and present it to an audience that may have no idea what is happening in their world. I want to show issues out there that others do not know about.
When I'm in "create" mode I take things from every aspect of my life, from what i read, to what i listen to. They all feed into my ideas. Hence why whenever I'm writing I will have music on in the background.
"Passing time, you've come soo far but your still behind."
-Pete Murray
"I wallow in the sympathy of strangers that I see."
- Rachel Gorman (look her up on myspace - she is a brilliant upcoming artist)
"Contemplating that I'm one step closer, not knowing how many steps are left."
- Rachel Gorman (LOOK HER UP NOW!)
"Oh green world, don't desert me now. Bring me back to Fallen Town where someone is still alive."
-Gorillaz
And these blogs are getting me thinking - I don't know if the angle is too dark, but it wont be anything like my other suicide one... which was quite symbolic. I think if you tackle something like this there should not be blood and guts, just foreboding. Even take an "Assassins" approach to it.
This reminded me a lot of "Assassins" - which is ironic in an article form.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/everyone_should_own_a_gun_for
I like that In this blog - the whole idea of technology making the world more like "Lord of the Flies"
http://toddy2bloggy.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-much-is-too-much.html
Even though I disagree with this "Bitch" (verged onto the C word here bout think its as inappropriate, there is a reason her comments are blocked obviously) a hell of a lot, I'm giving her a plug because she gave me an idea or two about why people commit dastardly acts of violence upon themselves. The whole idea that people hate you when your alive and love you when dead surprised me. I still think it was not a pc comment in a public domain.
http://gnomzxx.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-was-right.html#comments
The thing is with this, I don't know where my piece is going to end up... I have no idea.
If anyone has any idea's throw em to me in comments!
:)
I come to this monologue, with no boundaries, no outlines, no outline as to what to do. Just that it must include production aspects. Wow - specific.
The problem I'm having is how controversial is too controversial. I want something that has occurred in the real world, and present it to an audience that may have no idea what is happening in their world. I want to show issues out there that others do not know about.
<--------------------------------->
When I'm in "create" mode I take things from every aspect of my life, from what i read, to what i listen to. They all feed into my ideas. Hence why whenever I'm writing I will have music on in the background.
"Passing time, you've come soo far but your still behind."
-Pete Murray
"I wallow in the sympathy of strangers that I see."
- Rachel Gorman (look her up on myspace - she is a brilliant upcoming artist)
"Contemplating that I'm one step closer, not knowing how many steps are left."
- Rachel Gorman (LOOK HER UP NOW!)
"Oh green world, don't desert me now. Bring me back to Fallen Town where someone is still alive."
-Gorillaz
And these blogs are getting me thinking - I don't know if the angle is too dark, but it wont be anything like my other suicide one... which was quite symbolic. I think if you tackle something like this there should not be blood and guts, just foreboding. Even take an "Assassins" approach to it.
This reminded me a lot of "Assassins" - which is ironic in an article form.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/everyone_should_own_a_gun_for
I like that In this blog - the whole idea of technology making the world more like "Lord of the Flies"
http://toddy2bloggy.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-much-is-too-much.html
Even though I disagree with this "Bitch" (verged onto the C word here bout think its as inappropriate, there is a reason her comments are blocked obviously) a hell of a lot, I'm giving her a plug because she gave me an idea or two about why people commit dastardly acts of violence upon themselves. The whole idea that people hate you when your alive and love you when dead surprised me. I still think it was not a pc comment in a public domain.
http://gnomzxx.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-was-right.html#comments
<---------------------------------->
The thing is with this, I don't know where my piece is going to end up... I have no idea.
If anyone has any idea's throw em to me in comments!
:)
xx Action Wolfe
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Phantom, almost the new black.
Last night I got to see Phantom of the Opera - finally. After six years of wanting to and not being able to afford it when I have been in Melbourne - so glad I could finally see it in Perth.
It was really good - the sets, acting, music, voices, ambiance was all brilliant. I miss being in theaters all the time, the one thing I planned on doing this year was to see more shows - and I'm actually doing it. Feels good. Next ones on my list are Les Misérables, Little Shop of Horrors (yay Bri and Emmet) and also want to see many more Perth productions- including a few WAAPA ones.
As for Phantom - I loved it intensely, every theater aspect was well accomplished and tied in together. The only thing that would make it better was if it was a smaller audience leading to a more heart thumping vibe. I mentioned to my sister that the chandelier went slower than I thought. She said in the production she saw it went really really fast. Haha - wonder if its a difference in perspectives or if they were actually different. The bit that made me wheel back the most is when they reveal parts of the stage that you wern't expecting.
It is a close runner up to Wicked and Priscilla - but that won't suprise those of you who know me. I guess its all about what you like and what you don't in the end. I was more enthralled by everything in Priscilla and Wicked than Phantom. And many of you will also go "For fuck sake" because I mentioned Wicked again - its the best thing I have ever seen so of course I'm going to compare everything to it. Once you see it you will understand why I love it so much - you might not like it to the extent that I do but you will see what captivated me soo much in it.
It was really good - the sets, acting, music, voices, ambiance was all brilliant. I miss being in theaters all the time, the one thing I planned on doing this year was to see more shows - and I'm actually doing it. Feels good. Next ones on my list are Les Misérables, Little Shop of Horrors (yay Bri and Emmet) and also want to see many more Perth productions- including a few WAAPA ones.
As for Phantom - I loved it intensely, every theater aspect was well accomplished and tied in together. The only thing that would make it better was if it was a smaller audience leading to a more heart thumping vibe. I mentioned to my sister that the chandelier went slower than I thought. She said in the production she saw it went really really fast. Haha - wonder if its a difference in perspectives or if they were actually different. The bit that made me wheel back the most is when they reveal parts of the stage that you wern't expecting.
It is a close runner up to Wicked and Priscilla - but that won't suprise those of you who know me. I guess its all about what you like and what you don't in the end. I was more enthralled by everything in Priscilla and Wicked than Phantom. And many of you will also go "For fuck sake" because I mentioned Wicked again - its the best thing I have ever seen so of course I'm going to compare everything to it. Once you see it you will understand why I love it so much - you might not like it to the extent that I do but you will see what captivated me soo much in it.
xx Action Wolfe
p.s. Certainty, People Like Certainty
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Role
I love this - has so many things I have said and felt in it. When I saw a version of this in Perth - It hit close to home.
xx Action Wolfe
After the Chase
Yesterday I went on "The Chase" which is always one of my favorite days. It is an Amazing race style race around Perth. It is a fast paced race where you go from checkpoint to checkpoint gaining clues to the next position. This year the team I was in dressed as Michael Jackson throughout the ages. I dressed as bubbles. Was a frikkin helaire theme.
Dave, Neenee, Leesh, Lalee and myself.
Was an awse day hey - like so much fun. We were there to have fun, stopped for drive thru's (love it how they abbreviate the word through), yet were only seconds away from a win. Made me laugh and think WTF? hahaha. In a good way.
After the race I went to see my old room mate. Which was really nice to have a drink and a catch up.
If you haven't been on a chase and get a chance to - DO IT!
Dave, Neenee, Leesh, Lalee and myself.
Was an awse day hey - like so much fun. We were there to have fun, stopped for drive thru's (love it how they abbreviate the word through), yet were only seconds away from a win. Made me laugh and think WTF? hahaha. In a good way.
After the race I went to see my old room mate. Which was really nice to have a drink and a catch up.
If you haven't been on a chase and get a chance to - DO IT!
xx Action Wolfe
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Biorythms
My friend has been telling me about biorhythms for a long time. Just then she sent me a site that informs me of what mine are. It is quite interesting - I feel like they are pretty accurate - for the last weeks anyhow. I think you will all know I go through cycles with my life - some weeks i feel brilliant and some weeks I feel like a nugget on the floor of a macca's restaurant. These are mine:
Looks like in 10 days I will be on top of the world. Lets see how it works... hahaha
If you want to find out your own here's the link.
Looks like in 10 days I will be on top of the world. Lets see how it works... hahaha
If you want to find out your own here's the link.
xx Action Wolfe
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Random Poem #3
This Is My Life
by Action Wolfe
You were the unwritten pages of my book.
I kept you there, because I thought the pages would write themselves.
I was devastated when they didn't.
I found tare marks in the middle of the book.
I deduced that it was where you hadn't liked what happened before you came.
I will never set eyes on them again.
Sometimes I can't deal with the changes.
I close its pages and push it away from me with great ease.
Not noticing what I am doing.
Each time I place it away from me.
I just make myself start all over again in the same predicament.
No more "what if" please.
by Action Wolfe
You were the unwritten pages of my book.
I kept you there, because I thought the pages would write themselves.
I was devastated when they didn't.
I found tare marks in the middle of the book.
I deduced that it was where you hadn't liked what happened before you came.
I will never set eyes on them again.
Sometimes I can't deal with the changes.
I close its pages and push it away from me with great ease.
Not noticing what I am doing.
Each time I place it away from me.
I just make myself start all over again in the same predicament.
No more "what if" please.
xx Action Wolfe
Train of thought...
Today I caught the train back from Perth - only a 50 minute journey but most people despise it. I really enjoy public transport (to an extent).
I sat in the seats that face one another - which I always try to get. I don't like not seeing who is behind me on trains. So I ended up facing a reasonably attractive guy. Ok... I lie... He was hot... So I played awkward eye games with him for 45 minutes of the trip. He played along too tho. Smiling during the procession of gayness.
I don't understand how people zone out and sleep on trains. I get so excited watching a small sample of the community in one place. How people react to one another ect ect. It intrigues me. I could easily sit on a bus for a whole day and watch people. Listen to conversations that are not meant for me. Watch people that I will never meet again and remember.
It amuses me... Today I had the thought of "How many couples have met on public transport?" Just another layer of morbidity of my lonely gay lifestyle. lmao.
Ooooh - the other thing I thought about was the graffiti on the train windows... I couldn't make out what the pricks had written. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to make out the words and decided if your gunna be a bitch and grafiti why not make it legible? Doesn't it somewhat defeat the point? Lame is all I can say about it. I would be impressed if they stated witty comments such as "Lies weight more than Truth" or somethings like that. But no they are all crappy scribble.
Graffiti street art - legalised art pieces - are brilliant and things which I can respect.
I sat in the seats that face one another - which I always try to get. I don't like not seeing who is behind me on trains. So I ended up facing a reasonably attractive guy. Ok... I lie... He was hot... So I played awkward eye games with him for 45 minutes of the trip. He played along too tho. Smiling during the procession of gayness.
I don't understand how people zone out and sleep on trains. I get so excited watching a small sample of the community in one place. How people react to one another ect ect. It intrigues me. I could easily sit on a bus for a whole day and watch people. Listen to conversations that are not meant for me. Watch people that I will never meet again and remember.
It amuses me... Today I had the thought of "How many couples have met on public transport?" Just another layer of morbidity of my lonely gay lifestyle. lmao.
Ooooh - the other thing I thought about was the graffiti on the train windows... I couldn't make out what the pricks had written. I sat there for 20 minutes trying to make out the words and decided if your gunna be a bitch and grafiti why not make it legible? Doesn't it somewhat defeat the point? Lame is all I can say about it. I would be impressed if they stated witty comments such as "Lies weight more than Truth" or somethings like that. But no they are all crappy scribble.
Graffiti street art - legalised art pieces - are brilliant and things which I can respect.
xx Action Wolfe
Monday, March 16, 2009
Margaret Cho on Gay's
My friend David introduced me to the comedian Margaret Cho - I watched this video and lost if for the whole time. Thought I'd share it with yall. Love it! Matches in well with the gist of my blogs so far so I thought I'd throw it in.
xx Action Wolfe
"Home and a Gay"
Ok - so there are going to be lesbians on Home and Away - I'm cool with that on the grounds that one doesn't wear a wife beater and plays football.
The highlight of my day was seeing my two girls I went on a teaching prac with. We always talk about the random stuff that happens to us in out Diploma's of Education... and laugh and talk about how it all corresponds with our prac schools and how we are all coping with it all. It's funny coz Yevette only has one unit - doing it part time - and she is the one out of the three of us who is freaking out. Kind of like old school comedy.
Then somehow we got onto the subject on who likes cats and dogs... and I said I like cats, because they somewhat look after themselves and they come to you when they want affection. Yevette said "If only you had that in a woman hey Adam." lol- I nearly spat my drink out over her and Christie. They both laughed and I said "Keep up guys I need a cat man, not a cat woman." But I don't think they got it... hahaha.
I found it amusing that they hadn't clicked as of yet... after knowing them for 3 months now nothing had came up to suggest otherwise.
It is amusing when this happens - but at the same time I feel awkward trying to explain I bat for the wrong team. Hahah - I have had a few brilliant coming out lines in the past - haha - I used to be creative with it.
:) I think I will leave you there for now.
The highlight of my day was seeing my two girls I went on a teaching prac with. We always talk about the random stuff that happens to us in out Diploma's of Education... and laugh and talk about how it all corresponds with our prac schools and how we are all coping with it all. It's funny coz Yevette only has one unit - doing it part time - and she is the one out of the three of us who is freaking out. Kind of like old school comedy.
Then somehow we got onto the subject on who likes cats and dogs... and I said I like cats, because they somewhat look after themselves and they come to you when they want affection. Yevette said "If only you had that in a woman hey Adam." lol- I nearly spat my drink out over her and Christie. They both laughed and I said "Keep up guys I need a cat man, not a cat woman." But I don't think they got it... hahaha.
I found it amusing that they hadn't clicked as of yet... after knowing them for 3 months now nothing had came up to suggest otherwise.
It is amusing when this happens - but at the same time I feel awkward trying to explain I bat for the wrong team. Hahah - I have had a few brilliant coming out lines in the past - haha - I used to be creative with it.
:) I think I will leave you there for now.
xx Action Wolfe
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My Blog as a Poem... just to mix things up.
My blog as a Poem...
By Action Wolfe
I'm not good with large groups.
I feel confined, and gain the need to escape.
My eyes start darting.
I feel anxious.
Yet I can stand in front of crowds.
Teach infants, and classrooms of children.
Without Hesitation.
I just do it.
I do not like the idea of close individuals.
I have many, many close friends that I hold dear.
That's how I roll.
It's Just me.
Even if you don't understand that it is okay.
It doesn't, really hurt or hinder me to and extent at all.
I think it's nice.
I'm not perfect.
I don't know why I decided to write like this.
I like it, I think I needed a change from my normal self.
To express.
Be different.
I have transferred to an odd place at the moment.
I change, I go from the top of the world then into the shadows.
In an instant.
Very fast.
I'm happy with where I'm at in this moment.
But yet, at the same time I'm ready to start my next phase.
Less Monotony.
More balance.
It will be fine thought because I like to think I'm strong.
I will be, I'm the kind of person who does things to prove a point.
I think that's a good thing.
Life is short.
By Action Wolfe
I'm not good with large groups.
I feel confined, and gain the need to escape.
My eyes start darting.
I feel anxious.
Yet I can stand in front of crowds.
Teach infants, and classrooms of children.
Without Hesitation.
I just do it.
I do not like the idea of close individuals.
I have many, many close friends that I hold dear.
That's how I roll.
It's Just me.
Even if you don't understand that it is okay.
It doesn't, really hurt or hinder me to and extent at all.
I think it's nice.
I'm not perfect.
I don't know why I decided to write like this.
I like it, I think I needed a change from my normal self.
To express.
Be different.
I have transferred to an odd place at the moment.
I change, I go from the top of the world then into the shadows.
In an instant.
Very fast.
I'm happy with where I'm at in this moment.
But yet, at the same time I'm ready to start my next phase.
Less Monotony.
More balance.
It will be fine thought because I like to think I'm strong.
I will be, I'm the kind of person who does things to prove a point.
I think that's a good thing.
Life is short.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Rant spawned from an MSN conversation.
Sometimes I think life would be soo much easier being straight.
For once I would like to talk to people and not have my sexuality pop up for once. I am gay - but that does not define who I am. I want to sit down and have a chat to a random with the feeling that I'm accepted no matter how they think. I don't like the notion that as soon as people find out I am gay it changes everything... I just don't get it.
Do they think it's a personal choice?
I am gay - it is not my fault. I'd rather accept myself than live a lie and die unhappy.
I also think it would be easier to have a straight relationship. Not just the social aspect of showing affection - but the actual relationship itself. Straight people have a somewhat chronological order to how they live.
For once I would like to talk to people and not have my sexuality pop up for once. I am gay - but that does not define who I am. I want to sit down and have a chat to a random with the feeling that I'm accepted no matter how they think. I don't like the notion that as soon as people find out I am gay it changes everything... I just don't get it.
Do they think it's a personal choice?
I am gay - it is not my fault. I'd rather accept myself than live a lie and die unhappy.
I also think it would be easier to have a straight relationship. Not just the social aspect of showing affection - but the actual relationship itself. Straight people have a somewhat chronological order to how they live.
Meet > Date > Relate > Marry > Kids > Parenting
With gay people I kind of feel like they move along two separate paths.
PATH A
Meet > Fuck > Move on
PATH B
Meet > Date > Relate > Commit > ?? what next ??
You may have noticed "marriage" was not in the gay paths. I don't think it should be a goal. Marriage is based from religion - we are not accepted amoung that - so why marry when we can get the same rights? Well - we can fight for the same coupled rights without having the label it with the term "marriage".
... that's just how I feel at this point in time. It may change. Sometimes I'm fickle.
I want to find a partner who will follow this path:
... that's just how I feel at this point in time. It may change. Sometimes I'm fickle.
I want to find a partner who will follow this path:
Meet > Date > Relate > Commit > Live happily ever after
(Kids/Adoption may be an option... but not fussed at all about it aye)
(and yes I am aware I do not live in a fairytale)
(Kids/Adoption may be an option... but not fussed at all about it aye)
(and yes I am aware I do not live in a fairytale)
lol - that is my rant.
I shall leave it at that for now.... it could have been longer but I seem too.... I don't even know... insane?
meh.
I shall leave it at that for now.... it could have been longer but I seem too.... I don't even know... insane?
meh.
xx Action Wolfe
Systematic Functional Linguistics.
I don't see why we must learn about them after the tutor said "Oh I don't even understand them sometimes - but you should know it."
Today I did nothing... I slept in very late (which I needed), did an hour of Systematic Functional Linguistics, looked for a monkey costume for an upcoming car rally and watched my favourite TV shows.
Was VERY nice to have a time out day.
I'm getting my tattoo within a month or two. It is so exciting. When it gets closer I feel a little bit freaked out but I'm more excited about it than that. It will defiantly happen. I love the design. It has its own little meanings for me that I can write an essay on.
Also - I'm feeling so high school atm. :P
I had a whole passing notes in class flirtatiously thing going on. Also had a whole "text a friend coz their with him" thing going on... year twelve going on all over again. hehe.
I think that's all for now Wolfies.
xx Action Wolfe
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The enevitable.
Okay - so from where I left off has been a few days.
I have done many a things and had many things occur.
I am still in the state of mind from Monday - but alas it has became a positive thing. Yes I am still zoned out and don't know what to think of myself... but who does really. Its became positive because a lot or my uni worries have become clearer. Throughout the week things are just clicking in my head repetitively... it felt great to know my brain actually still works. They are going through curriculum frame works in drama - and all my teaching processes are slowly aligning together which is nice.
There is a guy that kinda half set me a flutter in one of my classes too - but i will keep you informed if anything remotely happens with that. Hahaha. Could luck be on my side this time? More than likely no. :P Probably straight like the rest of them.... I have a bad track record for that... one more headfuck for my list... and no that was not a sexual connotation.
:)
I'm in an amped mood.
Feeling good.
Prolly do another post before I sleep - I always seem to.
I have done many a things and had many things occur.
I am still in the state of mind from Monday - but alas it has became a positive thing. Yes I am still zoned out and don't know what to think of myself... but who does really. Its became positive because a lot or my uni worries have become clearer. Throughout the week things are just clicking in my head repetitively... it felt great to know my brain actually still works. They are going through curriculum frame works in drama - and all my teaching processes are slowly aligning together which is nice.
There is a guy that kinda half set me a flutter in one of my classes too - but i will keep you informed if anything remotely happens with that. Hahaha. Could luck be on my side this time? More than likely no. :P Probably straight like the rest of them.... I have a bad track record for that... one more headfuck for my list... and no that was not a sexual connotation.
:)
I'm in an amped mood.
Feeling good.
Prolly do another post before I sleep - I always seem to.
xx Action Wolfe
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Lost? No... Not quite.
I feel so 2D at the moment. Like there is nothing to me. Like I am grasping to find that one thing about me that makes me real again.
I'm living in delusions, daydreaming about impossibilities, and thinking too analytically. Almost like I can't feel anymore.
I know I can though.
I have emotions. I just feel... Like I'm going through the motions.
Don't ask me "whats wrong" because I would have said it here if I knew.
I guess I will work through it slowly... like I have so many times before.
Some day my depth will return to me.
... until then you may see Action... but he feels like he can't envision himself.
It's probably all about perception.
There... that's a good place to work from. See what I mean.
So many things around me at the moment have made me aspire to do more. It just all feels like a lost cause at this point.
I'm living in delusions, daydreaming about impossibilities, and thinking too analytically. Almost like I can't feel anymore.
I know I can though.
I have emotions. I just feel... Like I'm going through the motions.
Don't ask me "whats wrong" because I would have said it here if I knew.
I guess I will work through it slowly... like I have so many times before.
Some day my depth will return to me.
... until then you may see Action... but he feels like he can't envision himself.
It's probably all about perception.
There... that's a good place to work from. See what I mean.
So many things around me at the moment have made me aspire to do more. It just all feels like a lost cause at this point.
xx Action Wolfe
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Theatre on the Back of my Eyelids.
You park at the train station, planning ahead because there are no parks at uni.
You say goodbye to your friend, both departing to the uni near the city. Along the freeway you light up a cigarette. You take two puffs. Your throw it out the passenger window, with great skill. Your friend drives past at a rapid pace making hand gestures towards your car. You laugh, winding up the passenger window but leaning over the hand break.
You get out of your car. Walk along a path trying to find your friend. Staring at strangers you don't know. Many of them ignoring you like you would expect. Face after face, no one is registering for you. Then you see him. The crush. The one. However you described it. Everyone else fades away. You forget for a minute that your searching for someone. He hops on a train, the crowd slowly returns.
You stare at face after face again.
Suddenly one registers with you, but they just glance past you.
"Dad?" you say. Surprised that the man you haven't spoke to for 3 years is on the same side of the country as you. You spin around, he glances at you and stops. You don't know how to feel about it. It is like seeing a ghost.
So many emotions flush through your brain, cascading one after another. That single moment feels like hours. No, years. It's not awkward like you thought. It's not nice either. "What are you doing here?" you ask. Confused. Suspecting the worst. His mouth doesn't move but he tells you he is here to see friends. Your friend runs up to your side. Without moving her mouth she tells you your going to be late. You introduce them. Voices coming from everyone without mouth movements.
"Would you like a lift?" Your father asks.
"No- we will walk." you answer.
He turns around to walk off.
"Nice" you say without thinking. He stops. the crowd keeps walking past you. You turn around and walk away. You don't care either. You walk away.
Your friend stops you to hug them. The only thing you can think about is if you smell of cancer or not. "It's ok hun." She says as you touch her mouth to see if its moving.
Your running down the corridor. It's white paint is made more bleak by the brown doors along it. Your already 20 minutes late - half deciding if you should bother with your tute or not now its at this point. You stop at the door - peering at its number trying to figure if its the right room.
You knock.
He answers. The one man your heart skips a beat for. You feel confused, he had hopped on a train to the city. You stare at one another again. "Hi... wrong room i guess..." you say. At ends with what to say. His mouth moves but nothing comes out. Nothing is transferred. He closes the door on you.
You stand in the hallway.
People start to walk past you again.
None of their mouths moving.
All of them talking to each other.
You touch your lips to feel them move - their pursed.
You say goodbye to your friend, both departing to the uni near the city. Along the freeway you light up a cigarette. You take two puffs. Your throw it out the passenger window, with great skill. Your friend drives past at a rapid pace making hand gestures towards your car. You laugh, winding up the passenger window but leaning over the hand break.
You get out of your car. Walk along a path trying to find your friend. Staring at strangers you don't know. Many of them ignoring you like you would expect. Face after face, no one is registering for you. Then you see him. The crush. The one. However you described it. Everyone else fades away. You forget for a minute that your searching for someone. He hops on a train, the crowd slowly returns.
You stare at face after face again.
Suddenly one registers with you, but they just glance past you.
"Dad?" you say. Surprised that the man you haven't spoke to for 3 years is on the same side of the country as you. You spin around, he glances at you and stops. You don't know how to feel about it. It is like seeing a ghost.
So many emotions flush through your brain, cascading one after another. That single moment feels like hours. No, years. It's not awkward like you thought. It's not nice either. "What are you doing here?" you ask. Confused. Suspecting the worst. His mouth doesn't move but he tells you he is here to see friends. Your friend runs up to your side. Without moving her mouth she tells you your going to be late. You introduce them. Voices coming from everyone without mouth movements.
"Would you like a lift?" Your father asks.
"No- we will walk." you answer.
He turns around to walk off.
"Nice" you say without thinking. He stops. the crowd keeps walking past you. You turn around and walk away. You don't care either. You walk away.
Your friend stops you to hug them. The only thing you can think about is if you smell of cancer or not. "It's ok hun." She says as you touch her mouth to see if its moving.
Your running down the corridor. It's white paint is made more bleak by the brown doors along it. Your already 20 minutes late - half deciding if you should bother with your tute or not now its at this point. You stop at the door - peering at its number trying to figure if its the right room.
You knock.
He answers. The one man your heart skips a beat for. You feel confused, he had hopped on a train to the city. You stare at one another again. "Hi... wrong room i guess..." you say. At ends with what to say. His mouth moves but nothing comes out. Nothing is transferred. He closes the door on you.
You stand in the hallway.
People start to walk past you again.
None of their mouths moving.
All of them talking to each other.
You touch your lips to feel them move - their pursed.
xx Action Wolfe
One not so exciting day...
I have done nothing today... haven't even talked to anyone else.
So I thought I'd treat you all to a couple of paragraphs of the book I'm writing... it's draft draft.
It is an excerpt from chapter one... the novel is called "The Sea".
Enjoy.
So I thought I'd treat you all to a couple of paragraphs of the book I'm writing... it's draft draft.
It is an excerpt from chapter one... the novel is called "The Sea".
Enjoy.
xx Action Wolfe
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One
Sand and Time
Chapter One
Sand and Time
The wind blasted at the manor. A stranger stood one side of its security doors and one of its occupants on the other. She kicked at the security mesh as her eyes darted at him furiously. The man on the opposite side stood comfortably – knowing the security mesh had stayed put after heavier blows. He had a place to escape from the arid harsh planet, the mansion he dwelled in was the only one he knew of left standing. Sand hit her flesh like shards of sandpaper once they were picked up from the surrounding desolate tract.
“Let me in!” she screamed through the grit of her teeth.
“Why should I?” he asked, calm and curious.
“If you had a soul, a hint of humanity, you might.”
“Why should I let strangers dwell among my family?” He stated in his collected voice. Her hands wrapped one another in a cloth to stop the burning of her skin as sand wretched her follicles.
“I will pay you any price – please… I beg of you.” She pleaded with a solemn look on her face. She had realized that her violence would not consequent in anything good. A tear rolled down her cheek, she forgot the pain as she collected the droplet on the tip of her finger. She gazed at it, fascinated by its beautiful nature.
“You may wish to save your tears. You will need any amount of moisture you can retain.” He said looking bemused at her, wasting such a precious commodity. “Your money is no good here, no good anywhere. Burn it once the sun has vanished to keep your self warm.”
He knew she would soon die, as every other soul who had tried to survive out here had. He did not want to let any one else in, rations were thin already for the 4 that lived there. It would be safer for himself and his family if he declined her entrance.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. Hope you liked it. : P
This song is stuck in my head.
Yet again I have musicals stuck in my head.
Just wanted to share this song from BARE... I cried so many times in this musical when there was a production in Perth. Fucking str8 gays!
Just wanted to share this song from BARE... I cried so many times in this musical when there was a production in Perth. Fucking str8 gays!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I want to drink, alas my man cold does not permit it.
*COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH*
Sorry... Its just that time of the year.... STILL.
Today my niece said "Fucking Dickhead." It's not often you hear a 2 year old string two profanities together and it work so well. Blanch went to me "Did you say that in front of her?" (Automatic assumption since she runs around the house now saying "Fucking Chance" because of me). My guess is that it was her without her noticing.
I cannot remember the last time ANY of my friends or myself has used the term "Dickhead". It's kind of like there are so many more harsher things to say now a days and its just got so mild its not even worth using. I found that amusing. Probably because "Dickhead" used to be every second word out of mine and my sisters mouths.
Today I also had a bath.
That may seem like a simple statement for me it means so much. I used to use these as a way of escaping. I have it dark and play music whilst I'm laying in the bath. Not only does it release anything in my mind, but it also relaxes me and helps me to get to sleep - which I have trouble with sometimes. It took me back - because I haven't done it in about 6 months. It was nice. I need to do this when I'm freaking out later in the semester.
Sorry... Its just that time of the year.... STILL.
Today my niece said "Fucking Dickhead." It's not often you hear a 2 year old string two profanities together and it work so well. Blanch went to me "Did you say that in front of her?" (Automatic assumption since she runs around the house now saying "Fucking Chance" because of me). My guess is that it was her without her noticing.
I cannot remember the last time ANY of my friends or myself has used the term "Dickhead". It's kind of like there are so many more harsher things to say now a days and its just got so mild its not even worth using. I found that amusing. Probably because "Dickhead" used to be every second word out of mine and my sisters mouths.
Today I also had a bath.
That may seem like a simple statement for me it means so much. I used to use these as a way of escaping. I have it dark and play music whilst I'm laying in the bath. Not only does it release anything in my mind, but it also relaxes me and helps me to get to sleep - which I have trouble with sometimes. It took me back - because I haven't done it in about 6 months. It was nice. I need to do this when I'm freaking out later in the semester.
xx Action Wolfe
Friday, March 6, 2009
Pottle - the new form of passive agressivness
It's nice to know I have readers that I don't know about.
(Yes... you... You should really just follow this blog, may be easier for you. LMFAO)
Kinda adds to the aesthetics of my blog. As in who is really watching my words, because that is all they are, and I refuse to take any of them back. So today I shall bore you... not really... I shall entertain you with my cast array of circus tricks. As some of you make know I also lie.
Ok, enough of this beating round the bush shit. The theme of the day is my MAN COLD! Dum dum duuuuum.
YEs I am sick - but alas, I think I have discovered a new strain of it... GAY MAN COLD.
It is twice as flamboyant and twice as dumb. It also makes you sneeze glitter to a certain extent. The cold is also more attracted to men then women... this is not one of your run of the mill bisexual colds that goes after anyone. (Nee we have different colds... honestly... hahaha)
As you can see my head is not in the right place atm. It's almost as if its gone "Me sick, you no think today." ...
You can read that voice in two ways... Oriental Stereotype... Or Primitive Neanderthal.
Yes I know this blog did not make sense... But as I said these blogs are to help me clear whats in my head. And this is what my head is like at the moment.
(Yes... you... You should really just follow this blog, may be easier for you. LMFAO)
Kinda adds to the aesthetics of my blog. As in who is really watching my words, because that is all they are, and I refuse to take any of them back. So today I shall bore you... not really... I shall entertain you with my cast array of circus tricks. As some of you make know I also lie.
Ok, enough of this beating round the bush shit. The theme of the day is my MAN COLD! Dum dum duuuuum.
YEs I am sick - but alas, I think I have discovered a new strain of it... GAY MAN COLD.
It is twice as flamboyant and twice as dumb. It also makes you sneeze glitter to a certain extent. The cold is also more attracted to men then women... this is not one of your run of the mill bisexual colds that goes after anyone. (Nee we have different colds... honestly... hahaha)
As you can see my head is not in the right place atm. It's almost as if its gone "Me sick, you no think today." ...
You can read that voice in two ways... Oriental Stereotype... Or Primitive Neanderthal.
Yes I know this blog did not make sense... But as I said these blogs are to help me clear whats in my head. And this is what my head is like at the moment.
xx Action Wolfe
Thursday, March 5, 2009
"Why am I even listening to you, you're a virgin who can't drive."
No - today I figured I don't need to reinvent myself... I need to reinterpret myself.
I had lunch with two friends that I was once really really close to today. Yet again don't get me wrong... I love them both to pieces but drifting happens in all friendships at some point. It was not awkward as such - for a catch up after 3 months there didn't feel like much to talk about - so I don't know how I feel about it.
Then I noticed that I have changed... hence why I am hanging around new people now without noticing a general shift in groups.
Call off the renovations!! haha.
I've moved in a direction without noticing it. I clicked once they asked "How is teaching?" and I said "I love it - I can't wait till my next Prac." It feels nice to be heading down a path that I like. And the reason I like it is because it isn't an easy path. Fuck it is going to be hard - but fuck it will be worth it.
I think that is all today without getting into any other details.
(If you don't know what I'm going on about go back two posts.)
Then I noticed that I have changed... hence why I am hanging around new people now without noticing a general shift in groups.
Call off the renovations!! haha.
I've moved in a direction without noticing it. I clicked once they asked "How is teaching?" and I said "I love it - I can't wait till my next Prac." It feels nice to be heading down a path that I like. And the reason I like it is because it isn't an easy path. Fuck it is going to be hard - but fuck it will be worth it.
I think that is all today without getting into any other details.
xx Action Wolfe
P.S. Someone with the name of Jo__ is a stoopid bitch... fyi
P.S. Someone with the name of Jo__ is a stoopid bitch... fyi
Sometimes...
Sometimes I feel things that arn't really there;
Like a ghost sensation.
I feel outcasted at the best of times;
I feel included at the worst.
The ways things plan out always,
Always seem to leave me in the dark.
If there was something I was meant to be in;
I will not see it.
Don't think it's because I don't care;
Sometimes I don't notice.
Don't think I'm selfish,
Just sometimes I don't connect.
Put a bag over my head and you will see the point;
Nothing will have changed.
I may still be able to communicate;
But it will be muffled in vain.
Don't take it personally,
I'm just a little disjointed.
Like a ghost sensation.
I feel outcasted at the best of times;
I feel included at the worst.
The ways things plan out always,
Always seem to leave me in the dark.
If there was something I was meant to be in;
I will not see it.
Don't think it's because I don't care;
Sometimes I don't notice.
Don't think I'm selfish,
Just sometimes I don't connect.
Put a bag over my head and you will see the point;
Nothing will have changed.
I may still be able to communicate;
But it will be muffled in vain.
Don't take it personally,
I'm just a little disjointed.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Day that was.... rather nice but uneventful...
My day was nice. I had class with my group of uni mofo's. Had a nice, yet overendulgent lunch with a smirnoff beverage. Then went to class again... which ended in a coffee session in the ref. Was nice.
During this was blocking (like semi-auditions) for my childrens theatre class and an afternoon of jumping around the drama workshop for my class in the after noon... Spose I should get used to it I will be doing it with classes soon. hehe.
So thats the boring stuff out of the way (not really boring but more... weekly occurances)...
Tonight I had dinner and drinks with Emma and Kylie... I used to sit next to them in chemistry and physics in high school. As always we riticuled and teased each other sensless... many comments about Kylies cousins.... Many comments about various arts degree's... In the end its funny how people change. Altho we are making the same jokes we did four years ago but we are all so different...
Emma has studied med and changed courses into something I did not expect her to go into from what I remember from high school. (*Cough* gay and not in the good way *cough*) And Kylie.... is not tha same person... at all...
... like she is but its almost like she has re-invented herself...
I don't feel changed...
... almost like im the same person just outed.
Maybe a reinvention is in order....
During this was blocking (like semi-auditions) for my childrens theatre class and an afternoon of jumping around the drama workshop for my class in the after noon... Spose I should get used to it I will be doing it with classes soon. hehe.
So thats the boring stuff out of the way (not really boring but more... weekly occurances)...
Tonight I had dinner and drinks with Emma and Kylie... I used to sit next to them in chemistry and physics in high school. As always we riticuled and teased each other sensless... many comments about Kylies cousins.... Many comments about various arts degree's... In the end its funny how people change. Altho we are making the same jokes we did four years ago but we are all so different...
Emma has studied med and changed courses into something I did not expect her to go into from what I remember from high school. (*Cough* gay and not in the good way *cough*) And Kylie.... is not tha same person... at all...
... like she is but its almost like she has re-invented herself...
I don't feel changed...
... almost like im the same person just outed.
Maybe a reinvention is in order....
xx Action Wolfe
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Emo Rutt - The Woe is Me Blog that isn't
Well... Its the second night in a row I am having trouble getting to sleep.
I don't even think it's because of anything in particular... I'm just not tired any time of the day except the morning. lol.
I tend to detach myself when I get like this. Sometimes I need space. As one of my friends asked me a few weeks ago "Are you one of those people who have to get away from a party because its just too much?"
Defiantly - I am one of those people.
For some reason at this time of night I start to evaluate where I am in life. I keep telling myself after this year it will all be okay. Just this one more year then your finished uni. Just for one more year, you can keep it up for that can't you? Just one more year?...
I'm not saying that I hate uni- don't get me wrong. It's the best thing that has happened to me, and also the reason why I have soo many brilliant friends and learnt so many things about living away from home - learning things about myself and who I am too... *vomits*
... Yes this is starting to sound like a corny run of the mill "oh I'm going through a 'mid life crisis'" dealio. Believe me I'm not, and not going to suddenly pick up a nack for restoring old cars. PFT! All I know is petrol goes in, car moves forward. No petrol, car does not start.
It just feels like I have got no where in the time since highschool. Yes I have a degree and I'm a year off teaching... Just feels like abit of a rutt.
I'm going to go back to repetativly rolling over on my bed.
Maybe listen to a musical on my Ipod.
Who knows?
I don't even think it's because of anything in particular... I'm just not tired any time of the day except the morning. lol.
I tend to detach myself when I get like this. Sometimes I need space. As one of my friends asked me a few weeks ago "Are you one of those people who have to get away from a party because its just too much?"
Defiantly - I am one of those people.
For some reason at this time of night I start to evaluate where I am in life. I keep telling myself after this year it will all be okay. Just this one more year then your finished uni. Just for one more year, you can keep it up for that can't you? Just one more year?...
I'm not saying that I hate uni- don't get me wrong. It's the best thing that has happened to me, and also the reason why I have soo many brilliant friends and learnt so many things about living away from home - learning things about myself and who I am too... *vomits*
... Yes this is starting to sound like a corny run of the mill "oh I'm going through a 'mid life crisis'" dealio. Believe me I'm not, and not going to suddenly pick up a nack for restoring old cars. PFT! All I know is petrol goes in, car moves forward. No petrol, car does not start.
It just feels like I have got no where in the time since highschool. Yes I have a degree and I'm a year off teaching... Just feels like abit of a rutt.
I'm going to go back to repetativly rolling over on my bed.
Maybe listen to a musical on my Ipod.
Who knows?
xx Action Wolfe
Monday, March 2, 2009
Conditions: Drowsey with sunlight horizons.
Last night I had 4 hours sleep... was just one of those nights I tossed and turned.
The interesting thing that hit me today was this little fact. I thought I was the only person in the world to do this: I can't brush my teeth without the urg to throw up. I don't know why or what its about but I always do it no matter where or when I brush my teeth. Odd looks aside. I was having a little fit about it in the bathroom, coughing and coughing. Then my sister started pulling the piss. I told her why it was and she simply went.
"I know, your not the only one... dad does it too."
... This threw me back. I hardly know my dad... and the one little thing that thought was abit off about me fits in.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying vomiting over brushing your teeth is hereditory... I just found it interesting that I had something in common with the man I hardly know.
I wish I caught public transport today... that may become clearer as to why at a later date :P
The interesting thing that hit me today was this little fact. I thought I was the only person in the world to do this: I can't brush my teeth without the urg to throw up. I don't know why or what its about but I always do it no matter where or when I brush my teeth. Odd looks aside. I was having a little fit about it in the bathroom, coughing and coughing. Then my sister started pulling the piss. I told her why it was and she simply went.
"I know, your not the only one... dad does it too."
... This threw me back. I hardly know my dad... and the one little thing that thought was abit off about me fits in.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying vomiting over brushing your teeth is hereditory... I just found it interesting that I had something in common with the man I hardly know.
I wish I caught public transport today... that may become clearer as to why at a later date :P
xx Action Wolfe
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Does this layout make my butt look big?
I just sat here for half an hour... searching through masses upon masses of layouts and clicked.
What the fuck am I looking for?
How can one express themselves through pre-made layouts. Is it just an extension of who we are in the 21st century. I can just imagine the masses of highschool students sitting around at lunchtime going "Oh my god... did you see what her myspace layout was... what a slut... like oh... my... god."
Am I meant to be writing to express what I want from my life? Or am I hear to experience this so called thing called a blog? it interests me. So I have decided not to pigeon hole my self to one topic, to one form of entry, to one way of looking at things. I'm going to write about what MATTERS to me in the moment. A few days down the track it may not have anything to do with me life anymore.
And this entry... just something I wanted to spread my thought on.
Are the layouts for aesthetic appeal - or are they a type of branding on who you are as a person. Part of the reason I like facebook so much...
I still am yet to find one that makes me go "YES! LOVE IT!"
Expect it to change copious amounts of time.
What the fuck am I looking for?
How can one express themselves through pre-made layouts. Is it just an extension of who we are in the 21st century. I can just imagine the masses of highschool students sitting around at lunchtime going "Oh my god... did you see what her myspace layout was... what a slut... like oh... my... god."
Am I meant to be writing to express what I want from my life? Or am I hear to experience this so called thing called a blog? it interests me. So I have decided not to pigeon hole my self to one topic, to one form of entry, to one way of looking at things. I'm going to write about what MATTERS to me in the moment. A few days down the track it may not have anything to do with me life anymore.
And this entry... just something I wanted to spread my thought on.
Are the layouts for aesthetic appeal - or are they a type of branding on who you are as a person. Part of the reason I like facebook so much...
I still am yet to find one that makes me go "YES! LOVE IT!"
Expect it to change copious amounts of time.
xx Action Wolfe
Chapter One in this crazy blogosphere
And so.... It Begins.
Okay, I do not really know what to expect from writing this blog. I have kept one before and it bared useful for me to sort things out in my head and into a digital format... alas feedback is always good. I am a virgin to this site so if it takes a while for me to get set up - bare with me. :P
At the current moment I am a uni student, struggling money wise, struggling socially due to lack of time, and struggling mentally. When things happen to me i will jot them here... this semester I am not only overloading to get my degree finished this year, but for a personal challenge to myself. So at the current moment I am doing a production unit, a psychology unit, and two curriculum based units... all units they say to do along side easier units.
So hold tight if this blog becomes erratic, it will straighten itself out by the end of the year.
.... will tell you more about myself along the way too.
Okay, I do not really know what to expect from writing this blog. I have kept one before and it bared useful for me to sort things out in my head and into a digital format... alas feedback is always good. I am a virgin to this site so if it takes a while for me to get set up - bare with me. :P
At the current moment I am a uni student, struggling money wise, struggling socially due to lack of time, and struggling mentally. When things happen to me i will jot them here... this semester I am not only overloading to get my degree finished this year, but for a personal challenge to myself. So at the current moment I am doing a production unit, a psychology unit, and two curriculum based units... all units they say to do along side easier units.
So hold tight if this blog becomes erratic, it will straighten itself out by the end of the year.
.... will tell you more about myself along the way too.
xx Action Wolfe
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