Once upon a time - revised...

For once.... in a very long while.... I think I feel balanced...

Ok... that sounds weird- but normally I'm either manically happy or secretly down. But somehow I think prac has helped me immensly. For once I am happy to wake up to the challenge of the day, for once I'm not worried about whay lies around the corner, for once I'm not worried about people and making sure I please everyone. It has kind of been like this little personal project of this prac has made me happy with myself. Sure there have been ups and downs with off nights - but it's nice to know that a majority of the time I'm more than happy with what I'm doing each day.

I've stopped worrying about what has happened in the past. I have stopped worrying about what I really wanted and couldn't get. I have started to have new ideas, goals,thoughts. It's almost like this.... "new"... Action enjoys everything more.

The one thing that I still have to fix to make happy is now my next work in progress.... and the wheels have started to begin those motions - just a matter of time.

xx Action Wolfe

This song is like my bible...

...and it makes more sense than the bible to me.
I do not believe this happened - the morals behind it are what I love.
xx Action wolfe

Poem #9

COPY
He looked exactly like you,
Smiled exactly like you,
Made eye contact exactly like you,
except he was not as rough as you.

It confused me. Don't get me wrong, nothing happened.
He just.... was different.
I still think about you, hence why I reeled back when I saw him.
I still think what a tool I was for having hope.

I'm not making an effort to contact him.
Why? Because of you.
I am scared that I am only just going to be thinking of him after nothing happens.
I am scared that both of you will be on my mind.

You are like twins, but your rough around the edges.
His nice... so are you.
But both in different kind of ways. He is appreciated by more people than just I.
You... you have this thing about you that I seem to only see.

I really don't get it either.
Lost. That's where I'm at.
Lost in this emptiness that has been here for years.
I miss not feeling like this. Not feeling like I'm not complete.

To be honest... the copy...
Part of me, Part of me wanted to go there.
Even though he wouldn't fill in the void at least there would be something there.
One day someone will replace you and understand how much they impact me life.

No more footsies...
Infact, next time I see you it will be cold.
I will say hi but there will be no more moments for us for me to second guess.
No more moments for you to pretend and carry on that facade.

You know that ur bad day has turned good when...

I have a theory. If I wake up in a bad mood, my day will normally be plain.

The only thing that counteracts these days is if Matt Passmore is on playschool... I get to watch TV with charlie and get thouroughly entertained at the same time.

Today I woke up from 5 hours of sleep feeling like absolute SHIT! Then had to babysit charlie while my sister went to the gym. I was not impressed. So I cooked some eggs n sat down with her and THERE WAS MATT PASSMORE PLAYING WITH BIG TED!

So I had a good day. Proves the theory right. There should be more Matt Passmore orientated shows on television. Underbelly, Last Man Standing, Mcleods Daughters and Play school just simply are not enough!

xx Action Wolfe

Close to home...

I found myself watching musicals on youtube again. Eating away my internet credit. But it makes me feel whole sometimes. So it doesn't bother me.

Then I listened to The Roll of a Lifetime from Bare... and found myself with tears running down my face. Not because the songs brilliant, which it is, but rather because if you took the lyrics from the plays context and put it into mine it fits with how I feel at times.

There are people that come into your life that you just can't shake.

Why can't I just shake you away. It annoys me. My hopes arn't all on you.

Yet you don't disappear from my mind.

Strange ponder...

I was looking at a desktop on one of the uni computers - the over photo shopped one with the green rolling hill and blue sky... then It all of a sudden hit me. Is there such a hill like this left in the world. A hill... made of just grass.... with NOTHING on it, or have humans totally fucked over every single one on the face of this planet. When I say nothing... I mean no tree's either (which isn't our fault - but I feel like blaming us anyway.)

Little things like this make me second guess the world around me - whether I will ever see a vision like that with my own eyes. Yes what we have made is a beautiful adaptation of the original world... from a postmodern perspective... but is there anything natural any more? Anything NOT affected by humans in any way.

It makes me ponder a lot.... What will kids in three generations time see the world as?\

xx Action Wolfe

Where I'm at at the moment...

Well...

I had a moment today where I suddenly thought "The best parts of my life are still to come." Then realised that so many older people say "I had the best days of my life at your age." I really do think some thing is coming - I have said it for years. But I'm worried that I'm taking everything for granted whilst waiting for those days. I think it is more to do with my career. I'm sick of being a struggling uni student... and at the moment I really am struggling. I just want to get out of uni and start fresh. I can't wait to tackle new challenges and new places and new adventures, not just physically but mentally.

I want to go out and do things with my friends - just uni keeps getting in the way. I think it's going to be that semester where I let people down without meaning to. It's just not possible for me to do what I need to do, whilst have a brilliant social life, and also keep myself sane.

Not happy... but still waiting for that to change.

xx Action Wolfe