Change - you have to make mistakes to learn.

Mistakes are what make us. Mistakes are what we learn and grow from. If you don't make mistakes you would be the same person year in year out.

Last night I made a mistake that saw me thinking things I thought I would never think.

Shot, after shot. Other factors. I'm not dumb but should have sat down and thought about it more.

The end of the line is that I ended up paralyzed and helpless for about an hour and a half... not being able to move... not being able to talk.... just looking at the same wooden curtain move back and forth in the wind. Helpless. I started to black out.

It got to the point where I thought two things I would never think:
1) I'm either going to wake up in a hospital bed or not wake up at all
2) I fucking hope there is such a thing as an after life.

That scared the shit out of me. When I started to come around abit more I slowly gained movement of my mouth. slowly my neck. Slowly i could pick up a glass of water - yet I couldn't feel how tight i was holding it.

I realised I had the sambucca I drank all over my jumper and arm... after i drank it all.

Slowly coming too i realised how freaked I was - and tears swelled up - numb. I feel numb. The only way to explain it.

I had a bath and ate some food.... attempting to get out of it all.

I don't know what else to write.

xx Action Wolfe

Ok... euphoric

Even though my world is going a million miles an hour at the moment - I feel the need to blog. All my blogs are more than normally me bitching about the world. I like bitching about the world. I like bitching about my life. Bitching is my forte. Get used to it. But I do promise to be less emo and upset with it all - and just let loose.

Ok - So at the moment... I am happy with myself.

It has been a while I have to admit... and thats not happy with myself in a smug "I'm better than you way." More of a 'Wow - I know my life sucks but I'm so content with it that way. It's been a while. Hence why I am wow. I am at a point where I don't need someone to make me happy - because I am alone and the same. I'm not pinning for it now.

In saying that I'm not taking myself off the market - just... reallocating the importance of being in a relationship. Also in saying that doesn't mean that I'm not invalid to being in the middle of a crush with two people - one who I will never meet and one with somone where there is a spark but I feel nothing will happen. but alas - still happy.

Euphoric... for the moment.

xx Action Wolfe

Alas - I am not dead... well mentally maybe... its mush.

To all the people who have missed me and to all of those who haven't had the pleasure of stumbling across my ramblings - I am sorry that I left on such a dull note.

Originally I was planning on leaving the blog for a week to see how things changed, which is when my computer decided to die, my net connection went walk abouts, prac, rehearsals, performances and exams all hit at once... Alas I am not dead although many of you may have thought it.

Once I get my net restored (later this week) I shall be back on more regulary... kinda like im on all brand for blogging... without darren hinch... if you don't understand that you're lucky. Very lucky.

Toodles for now- I am off.