Change - you have to make mistakes to learn.

Mistakes are what make us. Mistakes are what we learn and grow from. If you don't make mistakes you would be the same person year in year out.

Last night I made a mistake that saw me thinking things I thought I would never think.

Shot, after shot. Other factors. I'm not dumb but should have sat down and thought about it more.

The end of the line is that I ended up paralyzed and helpless for about an hour and a half... not being able to move... not being able to talk.... just looking at the same wooden curtain move back and forth in the wind. Helpless. I started to black out.

It got to the point where I thought two things I would never think:
1) I'm either going to wake up in a hospital bed or not wake up at all
2) I fucking hope there is such a thing as an after life.

That scared the shit out of me. When I started to come around abit more I slowly gained movement of my mouth. slowly my neck. Slowly i could pick up a glass of water - yet I couldn't feel how tight i was holding it.

I realised I had the sambucca I drank all over my jumper and arm... after i drank it all.

Slowly coming too i realised how freaked I was - and tears swelled up - numb. I feel numb. The only way to explain it.

I had a bath and ate some food.... attempting to get out of it all.

I don't know what else to write.

xx Action Wolfe