Role of a lifetime.

"Everything's an act when you're pleasing everyone, but he assumes that role to such renown."

****

"The role of a lifetime is living a fantasy, a battle that you struggle to erase."

*****

Bare - A Rock Musical

This blog is about falling for someone who isn't comparable with you.  Which seems to be the error of my ways as of late.  Some how I seem to have an avert attraction to straight guys.  I could be in a crowd full of gay men, and I'd seamlessly fall for the odd straight guy int he group without hesitation.  I don't know whether I go through this subconsciously or whether it's just an act of fate, but it happens every time.  The last four guys I have been interested in have all gave off the interested vibe to me - but it's never enough to go further.  It's always a more than friends friendship with nothing but lame awkward moments.  Awkward moments that are extremely hot, but awkward moments none the less.

At the end of the day if I did fall for a straight guy, it would be a waste of time because:

1. I refuse to closet myself and have a secret relationship.
2. I wouldn't want to be the reason someone came out.  If their family spazzed out over the idea of their son being gay, I would be the reason their son is gay and that's how they would see it.
3. I wouldn't want to force someone out of the closet.  It's not fair.  It's a personal journey people have to accept on their own.

If it did happen with the perfect guy - I'm sure I'd try to endure through it, but they'd have to understand I'm not going to hide myself from the world.  It's not like I go around screaming "I'm a faggot - look at my rainbow wear!"  But, you know.  I don't mind telling people I'm gay - it's who I am and I'm comfortable with it.

Let's see where this all takes me in the long run Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe

Unconditional love.

It's a frightning thing, the idea that someone can love you for you no matter what you do, say, act, commit.

Unconditional.  Under no conditions will anything change how much someone loves you.

Many people in even the strongest relationships have their breaking point.  It's where that point is that makes the whole idea of love interesting.  At what point does the damage that someone has done to you outweight the love you feel for them?  Lets face it, love is a very cruel thing.  Coming from someone who has never been in said love, from the outside looking in sometimes I want to slap people.  Because lets face it.  Love makes people do crazy shit.  Other people might not understand, but that balance of love decides whether something is make of break.

What about if you love someone without them feeling the same back?  What if you feel soo strongly for someone and they don't love you in return?  Why do you keep having the same feeling.  Doesn't the hurt of rejection push you to the area of love where bitterness comes from?

Love.  The act of love.  The emotion of love.

It is all a bit lost on me, yet I hang on to that notion that one day I will find someone who will love me unconditionally.

That's all for now Wolfies.

I've neglected you for 2 weeks, does your love for my posts outweight the annoyance of my ignorance for blogs.

Let's face it you have to live life for a blog to happen.

That's why I haven't written of late.  Nothing has triggered me.

xx Action Wolfe

Sorry bout the week.

There hasn't been any post for a week because I've been intensely ill and haven't had the energy to do anything.

I will post tomorrow after "The Chase", which is like an amazing race around Perth.

Sorry Wolfies.

xxAction Wolfe

That's pretty gay.....

"Oh won't you bail me out of this rut, I've got myself in once again."

-Pete Murray

Here are the ten reasons I hate being gay:

1)  Falling for straight men.
I tend to fall head over heals for "straight" guys who aren't going to come out any time soon.  For some reason it is the trending feature in all the guys I end up liking for longer than a few weeks.  I keep getting told "You shouldn't be like that with straight guys" but it's not really my choice who I'm attracted to - I just am.

2)  Being mistaken as a boyfriend.
Every time I go out with my female friends, whether it is to Zumba (honestly, what straight man would do Zumba) or just out for coffee with people who don't know me it is always assumed I'm dating the girl I'm with.  This leads to that awkward moment where you actually explain "Nope, even though I'm not a flip of a girly girl I like the cock.  It's true."

3)  Sexuality is not gender.
Just because I'm gay people actually EXPECT that I am going to be flamboyant.  Believe it or not I don't think sexuality is a key thing that defines someone way of life.  It is a label that semantically represents who they are attracted to in a partner.

4)  Being referred to as a female.
Ok, so some of my close friends do it as a joke, but it's just that, the know it's a pet peeve and they play on it.  If you don't know a gay guy, don't call him "Girlfriend", "Girl", or directly say "You can hang with the chicks because you're not really a man."  Believe it or not it does happen on a regular basis.  People automatically assume you like to talk about your menstruation patterns and makeup.


5)  Being friends with straight guys.
Whenever I take a male friend anywhere with me to a party, people automatically presume it's because something is going on behind the scenes.  People, if it was it still isn't any of your business.  If it was I'd have told you.


6)  Gay men are sluts.
It's true in 97% of cases.

7)  Gay men don't believe in monogamy.
I have only found a handful of gay men who believe monogamy is something worth having.  I see it as sex comes with a connection, no matter how much you say it was meaningless.  It's still fucking someone because your attracted to them.  If you weren't you wouldn't fuck them.  If you are so strongly connected to someone in a relationship you shouldn't feel the need to go and connect with other men. 


8)  Gay men aren't meant to be in monogamous relationships because males have higher sex drives.
Fuck off - straight men don't have higher sex drives yet they can resist the urge to get their cocks wet and keep it in their pants.  It's a cop out.  Seriously.

9)  You don't look gay.
Yes, believe it or not some gay guys don't like to dress in high fashioned clothing and go got the gym twice daily.  It's like straight people.  We come in many different shapes, sizes, colours and backgrounds.  It's like saying to a metro-sexual "You don't look straight."  They will be offended.

10)  Gay men are bitches.
Okay, I can bitch with the best of them.  It's true.  I'm not going to lie about that, but do you know how much those bitchy little queens annoy me.  Sometime when you even just walk past them or get introduced they look at you as if you have just shat on a midget whilst singing the sound of music.  Get off you're high horse Mr.Queen.  You're a human like us.

Sooo.... that was my 10 reasons why I hate being gay.  I know they aren't that big of a deal, but I kinda had that rant in my head for about 20 minutes and decided to jot it down.  Most of them intertwine with one another.  That's the way life work thought.

I think that's all for now Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe

Love..... and being turned on in the head.... the top head.

"Write a list of things you need, leave it empty.  Except for number one, write love, gamble everything."

-Ben Lee

Soo.... I don't really want to talk about love again, but it's been a topic I talked about last night over red wine with a friend.  And we came up with an interesting idea.  

We both have had bad choices in people to have relationships with.  Our question was 'do we fall in love with the wrong people, plainly because we aren't ready for a full on relationship as of yet?'  It's an interesting idea, where our subconscious directs us to the wrong kind of people because we aren't emotionally at the right place to hold a proper relationship.  

Another thing that's been talked about is how people are gay.  I know I've always known I am deep down, but it's a matter of accepting it and being open with who you are before coming out.  My friend questions whether I think it's nature or nurture that causes humans to become homosexual.  Whilst I strongly disagree that it is either of these, the reasoning was this.  If it was nurture, gay people wouldn't come from many walks of life.  It would be from the same types of family and home conditions.  On the other hand it can't possibly be nature.  If it was genetic, there simply wouldn't be an inclining rate of gay beings because.... obviously.... gay partners can't create children with one another.... and as it would be a recessive gene parenting a child with a straight person would create a straight baby.  ^_^ It was an interesting conversation.

The last part of my 24 hours was watching episode one of the second season of Glee.  One of the scenes had a new character singing.  When someone sings in a certain way I find it very attractive.  The only other time I had found it to this extent is Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge. I tried to explain it to my room mate but it was unsuccessful and ended in the sentence "I'm so turned on by that guy rights now.  Don't worry I'm not hard.  You know what I mean.... Turned on in the head and not the pants?"  Yeah.... It ended in an awkward stare.  My bad.

Oh well, that is all for now.

Keep on trucking Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe.

Zombied Out.

Today I woke up tired (as I procrastinated about going to bed again).  In effect I was two arm's raised off a zombie.  When I'm tired I seem to lack emotions and facial responses.... but I think that's normal.  It's like tiredness brings on more 'Meh' than one can handle.

It was a pretty slow day at work today besides a random Karma Sutra book coming into stock, a book about Micheal Phelps that reminded me of Wheezy Waiter, and an awkward conversation about head jobs.  Same old stuff really.  I love my workplace but slowly the place is going down because there are a few workers there that bring down the team morale.  At the same time it's confirmation for me that I wont be working there for the rest of my life - teaching beckons.  This prospect excites me.

Another thing that happened today was ZUMBA!  Lol.  I wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much, but it was a laugh trying to keep up with the class and the pansy ass instructor.  As the only male over 20 that wasn't an instructor... I'm pretty sure I shook my booty better than most of the chicks in there.  Shaking away my badonkedonk.

I think I'm addicted to twitter... but hey, I suppose it's better than crack at the end of the day.  ^_^

Hope all is well Wolfies - How was your day?

xx Action Wolfe

Love, Loooove, Love.

"She told me 'Son, fear is the heart of love...' and I never looked back."

-I will follow you into the dark, Death Cab for Cutie

For the first time in my life I'm not sitting in my room saying "Oh my god, it would be great if I could meet someone."  It's nice.  In saying that men are still fucking annoying the shit out of me, but at least it isn't a "I'm so alone I need someone in my life."  It's a comfortable stage to be in.  A healthy stage to be in.

The one thing I am sick of is logging onto facebook and seeing couples complaining how much they miss their other halves when they have only been separated like one day... and they don't even live together.  Okay, okay, I understand that kinda breaks the view that I'm a romantic guy.  But seriously.  It is 24 hours people... grow up and stop acting like a love addicted 17 year old girl.

I understand the love is a power force between two people - but where are the boundaries.  Are the lines blurred?  Is love great until it starts to affect every other aspect of our life? Is there a line where one says enough is enough, or is the addiction to great to come down off?  Rhetoric questions again?

^_^

Love, I suppose it is different for everyone.

Goodnight Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe