"Oh won't you bail me out of this rut, I've got myself in once again."
-Pete Murray
Here are the ten reasons I hate being gay:
1) Falling for straight men.
I tend to fall head over heals for "straight" guys who aren't going to come out any time soon. For some reason it is the trending feature in all the guys I end up liking for longer than a few weeks. I keep getting told "You shouldn't be like that with straight guys" but it's not really my choice who I'm attracted to - I just am.
2) Being mistaken as a boyfriend.
Every time I go out with my female friends, whether it is to Zumba (honestly, what straight man would do Zumba) or just out for coffee with people who don't know me it is always assumed I'm dating the girl I'm with. This leads to that awkward moment where you actually explain "Nope, even though I'm not a flip of a girly girl I like the cock. It's true."
3) Sexuality is not gender.
Just because I'm gay people actually EXPECT that I am going to be flamboyant. Believe it or not I don't think sexuality is a key thing that defines someone way of life. It is a label that semantically represents who they are attracted to in a partner.
4) Being referred to as a female.
Ok, so some of my close friends do it as a joke, but it's just that, the know it's a pet peeve and they play on it. If you don't know a gay guy, don't call him "Girlfriend", "Girl", or directly say "You can hang with the chicks because you're not really a man." Believe it or not it does happen on a regular basis. People automatically assume you like to talk about your menstruation patterns and makeup.
5) Being friends with straight guys.
Whenever I take a male friend anywhere with me to a party, people automatically presume it's because something is going on behind the scenes. People, if it was it still isn't any of your business. If it was I'd have told you.
6) Gay men are sluts.
It's true in 97% of cases.
7) Gay men don't believe in monogamy.
I have only found a handful of gay men who believe monogamy is something worth having. I see it as sex comes with a connection, no matter how much you say it was meaningless. It's still fucking someone because your attracted to them. If you weren't you wouldn't fuck them. If you are so strongly connected to someone in a relationship you shouldn't feel the need to go and connect with other men.
8) Gay men aren't meant to be in monogamous relationships because males have higher sex drives.
Fuck off - straight men don't have higher sex drives yet they can resist the urge to get their cocks wet and keep it in their pants. It's a cop out. Seriously.
9) You don't look gay.
Yes, believe it or not some gay guys don't like to dress in high fashioned clothing and go got the gym twice daily. It's like straight people. We come in many different shapes, sizes, colours and backgrounds. It's like saying to a metro-sexual "You don't look straight." They will be offended.
10) Gay men are bitches.
Okay, I can bitch with the best of them. It's true. I'm not going to lie about that, but do you know how much those bitchy little queens annoy me. Sometime when you even just walk past them or get introduced they look at you as if you have just shat on a midget whilst singing the sound of music. Get off you're high horse Mr.Queen. You're a human like us.
Sooo.... that was my 10 reasons why I hate being gay. I know they aren't that big of a deal, but I kinda had that rant in my head for about 20 minutes and decided to jot it down. Most of them intertwine with one another. That's the way life work thought.
I think that's all for now Wolfies.
xx Action Wolfe
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