New comp look....

I decided to change my computer desktop - so I searched for around an hour and a half - and found this one which I quite like.

Explains how I feel some of the time without words. And thats something people need at times.

xx Action Wolfe

Love: the harsh game of life.

Well... I had some pondering time last night for about an hour after drinking with a few good friends... I was thinking about love and how its luck of the draw if you meet the right person.

What sucks about love is that there is no place for runner up. If you come second best in this game you are left with nothing, but to search for another game. No chest pin, no awards, no redemption for the time you spent playing.

You either win or you lose... more than often you lose.

I think these thoughts were stiked from my last post... just jad a few lines of it running around in my head. It's a game where a majority of it is waiting... unless your a fag fag... then its waiting and meaningless sex - which doesn't quite fit my criteria.

xx Action wolfe

Poem #8 (why? because I feel like it!)

The way things are

"The way things are will stay" said the holy man.

He wore a dishcloth and a soiled pair of boxers,

but this did not make him no less holy.

"Change will come to those who wait" he prophesied.

We all walked past him and avoided eye contact,

we veered where we walked to dodge the old man.

"When we are happy we get what we want" he continued.

It amused me that even though no one listened,

he still babbled his words and believes them himself.

"For how can we love someone else," he paused.

He saw me gazing at him from across the walkway,

I pretended to not realise and eat my sandwich.

"that is when we will find our other half." he finished.

He smiled as if his chores were done for the day,

packing up his chair and sheet he walked away.

"But how long must we wait" I called to him.

He just averted his gaze and continued on,

veering his path so it didn't cross mine.

"How long must I, we, wait?" I asked the next day.

His stare sat on me for a short while,

he smiled because he finally had a follower.

"It is as long as it takes for you to be happy with yourself." he replied.

I don't understand what he meant,

was he being cryptic on purpose.

"How will I know that I'm happy?" I retorted.

His smile wiped from his face,

as if I had sinned the greatest sin alive.

"If you don't know what happiness is," he quietly whispered.

He stood up and he was not much shorter than I was,

his hand placed itself on my shoulder.

"...then you will be euphoric when you find it." he chortled.

I still question the meaning of happiness,

and still wonder why I had not found it.

Hrmmm... take two & a half? is that what you would call it?

Ok... so I got half of what I planned done.

I didn't go to perth. To be plain and simple I woke up late and couldn't be fuckeroonied.

But alas- I did go to the shops and buy a pretty vase and some orange rocks for the sea monkeys I intend to farm and use to wreck havoc upon the world... untill global warming kills them off any way(FYI: Seamonkeys don't like direct sunlight).

Side track from the originalpost for one second. Life is cruel. Seamonkeys DIE in direct sunlight. What do they eat? Alge! Where does Alge grow?? DIRECT SUNLIGHT! I mean what kind of cruel idea is it to have an animal which eats where it is deadly to... WHILST IN A CONTAINER BEING OOGLED AT BY SMALL CHILDREN. It's just.... insane... let alone the fact that you can get sea monkey watches now that carry sea monkeys in it. I know they are only shrimp but isn't it cruel to attach a life animal in a case and put it on a childs wrist? I know how scratched my watches get from me mucking around let alone a small child.

Ok.... back to what I was originally saying...

Tomorrow I'm filling out forms and doing a road trip to uni and back... but need a day to myself. So am taking a book, and may even read on the foreshore if it doesn't piss down with rain.... bet it does.

On this note I shall leave you with a picture of what a Sea Monkey actually looks like as many people go "that looks nothing like a monkey" the first time they see them. But mine will be like the upper class sea monkeys from the west side - having safety from small children and direct sunlight whilst gaining heat from my bedside lamp.

On that note.... Ciao.

xx Action Wolfe

Ok ok - Tomorrow... Take two.

Nothing I planned got done today. Not even my washing which in the back of my mind needed doing badly. I did wake up early however. 8 oclock.... which is early-ish for me. Then went "screw it I want another half hour". I then proceeded to sleep for a half hour and woke up at 12.30. Too late to go to perth as I had a coffee schedualled with Christie.

No forms for myself.

No time out from it all.

No wacked out container for my sea monkeys.

No photo of a view for you to see.

I need to get out. I refuse to lounge around the house for the rest of the week - I need to get off my fucking arse and fill out forms, do the washing and take a trip to perth tomorrow. I don't care what time - it has all GOT to be done.

I want to be in one of my moods where I look at everything and its just beautiful. It doesn't happen often but sometimes I drive along in my car and everything just looks perfect - even ugly things are perfect in their own way. I know that saying that makes me sound tossy - but moments like that actually happen in my mind, and it somewhat takes me away for a moment.

At the moment tho - I just feel there has got to be something more. I can feel something big coming my way but its just taking its mother fucking time getting here. Honestly over it.

Untill it does I refuse to be the person who sits on the curb and watch his life drive past on a bus then yell "HEY!! COME BACK!!" Only to have it wave at me with a smug look on its face going "Yeah that right... fucking dousch." I'd probably reply in a way that is something along the lines of "Yeah... well... I don't need you any way" and then it would do that thing where the centre of its eyebrows raise and look at me as if to say what the fuck, you call that a comeback? and by the time I can say anything else the bus is too far ahead of me to yell anymore.

I miss having rants like that - I should have them more.

xx Action Wolfe

Oh - and back to that place again....

Well... as some of you may know I seem to go through phases. I go from on top of the world to feeling like crap about myself about once every 2 months. Last time it happened I got stuck here for a while - but I'm planning on using rope to get out of this rutt. I'm not staying here and I refuse to, and if I don't the world wont have the brilliant Action Wolfe to wake up to each day... they will have the Action Wolfe that sleeps all his time aways and wished things were different.

To eeerrr it to be human - but what does it mean to constantly doubt yourself?

I don't know - tomorrow I plan to have a day where I go out and just see the world for abit on my own. I need time on my own when I get like this but maybe being out and about will help me. I have a few errands to do at uni - and I wish to find a cool looking vase to grow seamonkeys in... which is weird but I have been wanting to do it for a while. I also wanna go to a place where I can sit on grass and read or just stare at the views for a while. I ahve a few places in mind but haven't picked one out quite yet. Might take a few pictures on my camera of where I find and post them up here tomorrow night. Show you what helped me in my day of self advisory.

I have started to write a new book... it is a bit askew... but I like it in its own morbid little way. It sounds so shit but for some reason books that sound shit when you describe them and are well written and interesting amuse me. So I try for ideas that sound tacky and lame, but give them enough power in their own capability to become beautiful pieces of art. Every idea must not be thrown away because others think its lame - I havn't read the book that got me onto the idea, but it wont be anything like that. It was a mixture of a genre and a mixture of my own experiences in the last two weeks that got me to it.

I will fill you in on how tomorrow goes.

xx Aciton Wolfe

A whole new world...

Life is never simple. Life is life, and life is a bitch.

I've always stood by the notion of wanting my life to be a disney movie...

... Ive got a prince on the horizon. Wait... a disney prince. One that doen't know I exist but I have been worshipping for so long. Where is my magic carpet and tickertape parade? Do I have to organise this myself or do disney just know where the magic will happen and organise it for me? Do I have to facebook them a memo when I need it or do they have some kind of childhood using magic machine to decide who is worth or not?

I want a magic carpet to solve all my relationship problems. One ride. It will fix it all.

The one thing that dispells me from wanting a disney life is the notion of "happily ever after".

What the fuck is happily ever after? Is life just euphoric all the times... or is there still going to be times where I struggle to pay the bills and have to pay off my car loan? Because that still isn't really happily ever after... thats happy most of the time after - that is if the love holds out and we don't get bored of each other... fucking disney. How can it be happily ever after is there is always a sequel where something bad happens.... thats not happily ever after. Thats happily untill the next movie. I don't want a "Action Wolfe II - The prince gets dumped but finds a new fella".

Love.... it just is. I've said it many times before.

Still.... even if it wasn't happily ever after... it would be fun while it lasts....

Dear disney - bring me a prince... and a magic carpet... and music, lots of music.

xx Action Wolfe