Poem #11

You might notice I write poem often... They are because I can get shit off my chest without being direct about what I'm saying.  Yet still express it on here.

I look at you're sillouette.
It's that nothingness that floats through the light.
Everything around you is vivid and detailed.
But you are just empty space.
You are undefined.
Which is expected, but the void stays.
I have got over the others. 
They were shadows, nothing more nothing less.
You are something different.
Untouchable.  Unreachable.
Unpredictable.
Anticipated.
Hypothetical.
Maybe you don't even exist.

xx action wolfe

A weekend.

I had a good night last night.  Very self reflexive drinking.

I was going to write a really long blog.  Decided against it.

So I will say a list of what is happening at the moment.

1. I think I have sorted shit out guys wise in my head.  Starting fresh.  No baggage any more.
2. I am worried about my uni assignments.  Hopefully I get them all done.
3. I think I might have to miss out on pride as Yoh Fest is on that weekend.  I kinda don't wanna miss out on watching my classes on finals.
4. I'm feeling abit distracted and defused.  I don't know why.  It happens every now and then.  Next stage is normally the lost stage so hope it doesn't come to that.
5. I am thinking of starting to volunteer at a local Gay Youth Drop in Centre over the summer for three reasons.  To meet new people.  It's a good cause.  It will give me something to do for two months.

That is all.

xx Action Wolfe

Poem #10

Time Out Time Up

I am going to be try to keep it together.
This time out has been what I needed.
I know I will be strong.
After all it wont be bad.  It will confirm things for me.
When I see you your eyes will melt me. 
When I look at you it will be cold.  Vivid.
I'm going to know that there is something else to look forward to with us.
Nothing will ever happen.
Nothing will ever happen.
I will smile, just to show everyone I'm fine.
No one will know that inside I'm tearing up.  No one will know that I'm hurt.
If they knew they would understand.
I have to move on.
I NEED to move on.
In a different time, a different place it might have worked.
I don't know if I'm trying to lie to myself to make it better, or because I truely believe it could happen.
I hate you.
I hate these feelings.
I don't want to see your face again.
At least that's what I tell people.
Secretly my heart races again.
That is what I hate the most.

That is pretty gay....

Ok.  So gay dating sites are pretty smutt ridden.  It's really rare to actually find someone who isn't just after a quick boink at theirs, at yours, or in a public restroom on the riverside.  This post is for the gay guys who write things on dating sites that I find comical.  This isn't pulling the piss out of gay men - as I am gay.  And it is not pulling the piss out of men who like sex - please fuck anyone you want, doesn't change my life.  Rather it is just by pulling these out from the dating web and putting them out from the smutt and onto this *cough* wholesome *cough* blog will make my night. 

IMAGE FROM "SLAP UPSIDE THE HEAD"

http://www.slapupsidethehead.com/

(Check the site out.)

Whilst I was trying to figure out if a guy was a top or a bottom (if he gives or takes, fyi to those straighties out there) coz I thought he was cute I got to this sentence.

A first date would ideally have some lingering stares, many laughs, and my skin burning where you accidentally touched me, ending with a taunting promise of many more...

Bottom.  Oh well.  A msg was sent just incase he was a top and just a tad bit poofy in his writing.

Then in comes a msg from a 26year old straight guy.  

hi would you like a massage? i live not to far away from you and i hope you would enjoy the massage from me.. let me know if your keen

Sometimes you need to be able to translate over used terms.  Example:

I am looking for Mr right, but will settle for Mr Right know!!!

Can be loosely translated into "I believe in love, but alas I am a slut"... then there are the ones that boarder onto erotic literature.

Dude, I love a good jerkoff. Whether rubbin out a fast one at the gym or a leisurely stroke-a-thon layin in bed. Just thinkin about past sex or smellin some hottie at the gym after he worked out, makes my boy jump to life. You know I gotta take care of it before too long. Pullin my shirt up over my head and slingin my boxers under my simmerin nuts, my plump boy waves drunkenly. I sniff my pit. Fuk yeah! My co...

 Um... yeah I will stop that one there coz it just gets more detailed.

At the end of the day laughing at most of these profiles is the reason I like being on dating sites.  It makes me smile reading these.  I doubt I will ever find someone worth while on them, date wise, but I stay on them...  who knows.... one day.... at least I get a laugh from them.

xx Action Wolfe

Oh.  I get him.  "Straight".  Wonder if that includes a happy ending or not.  No reply.

Friday - Groundhog Day

Today was the end of the biggest prac I have been on.  As insane and tiring as it was, I loved every fucking minute of it.  You have no idea how much a felt in place at that school teaching, and the kids were just brilliant... even though at times they were snotty and hormonal, but it comes with the teritory.  I decided I wasn't going to shed any tears.  Just before lunch I got the sterotypical box of chocolates out to say thankyou.  Then said the corniest shit I have ever said, but at the same time actually meant it. 

"I came into this prac expecting to have a mentor by the end of it, I didn't expect that I'd gain a friend out of it."

Yes.  those words came out of my mouth.  But they are true.  As soon asI said that we both teared up and started to head towards class.  It sounds soo fucking lame.  But at least my mentor teacher had grown to like me being there every day just as much as I enjoyed being there.  The kids all signed cards, cards that sung, and two of the classess (my favourite two from the start) got me some small gifts, which I will cherish.  The other day someone said to me:

"You always remember you're prac kids, they're the kids that turn you into the teacher you are."

It will be interesting to get my own classes I think.  I kinda can't wait. 

On the way home I got all watery eyed - yes yes.  I am a punce.  When I got home I found my Ipod, threw it on.  I haven't updated it in around 2 years and don't use it often.  Suddenly 7 songs in a row came on that I just couldn't be upset anymore.  Songs are like gateways to me soul sometimes.  It just so happens, that on shuffle, 7 "happy" songs came on.  

I call certain songs "happy songs"... because they lift me into a good mood.

1. Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
2. Icecream - Peaches
3. Come so far - Hairspray Cast
4. Hotel Song - Regina Spektor
5. But It's Better If You Do - Panic! at the Disco
6. Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
7. What a Great Night- Hilltop Hoods
Then the battery died.

xx Action Wolfe

I have a new blog that will run along side this one...

... it is focused on the quotes I hear each day - the ones that make me smile.

Check it out.  This will be a nice little place to have a giggle once in a while.

: P

http://littlequotesbiglife.blogspot.com/

xx Action Wolfe

The bad part of life is being awake...

I've been having this dream lately... everything is perfect in it. I have always said all I want from life is to be truly happy. In this dream I am. I love being in this dream. I could easily stay in it.

Then I wake up.... and slowly come to the realisation that what I had dreamt was fabulous. That it was euphoric. I could easily have been smiling my whole sleep.

I hate the morning at the moment. Mainly because I have to come back to reality.

I'm in a rutt.

That rutt is this.

I want to find happiness... in whatever form it comes in.

I am a happy person... but a lot of it doesn't go past skin deep.

xx Action Wolfe