The first blog after a drought...

You all know I use this as a way for me to sort out my mind...  It is pretty clear about that.  I haven't needed it to lean on lately.  Things haven't been great, that isn't the reason for the lack of commitment to this blog.  Rather I've been quick at sorting out my own issues because I don't want to be that Action Wolfe that is down on himself, sitting in the corner stewing over everything.

The reason I cam back to this blog was because I have just had a sudden realisation.

We all know I would like to fall in love.  If you don't know you haven't read this blog enough.  For the first time in my life I realised I could have been in it.  I could have fallen.  I could have had that connection, even for just a little while, even if it had to be taken to a long distance relationship, it could have happened.  But they were the reason I chose not to allow myself to get attached.

I sat here staring at his msn picture.  Then sudddenly felt like I was punched in the gut.  What could have been?  What did I just purposly miss out on?  Am I that much of a fool not to take a chance to hop on the train and see what destination it takes me?  That is me.  The fool sitting here on the station platform for a train which may never come.  It's too late now.  I can't hop on.  I've missed that window of oportunity.

I almost feel like I need to run away from my life at the moment.  I've been having the biggest urges just to pack up and move.  Not a move as in the one I'm making when I move back to Perth in a few weeks, rather the kind where I drop everything and start a new life.  I think after these six months I may genuinly consider moving states or countries.  There is a whole world out there, a whole world of stations, a whole world of trains to hop on.  I wan't to take a chance.  If I fall on my face from it, so what, at least I took that leap.

xx Action Wolfe

The day that sorted out shit. The shit became poo.

I spent the day sleeping - then went to the art gallery.

This has made me happy, it always clears my head. 

My focus for the next two weeks will be my two exams (one I have to do at least 60% in to pass the unit) and the other I haven't read anything about yet.

My bad - let it all slip at end of semester.  Ah fuck shit happens.

If I don't pass it I'm going to try and organise a "Schools in Context" meets "Childrens Theatre" ISC.  And get a specialized course restructure thingy of head of education.  I'm positive either way.

Snoodle Snoodle.
xx Action Wolfe

The question.

WHAT IF!?*
*I'm so fucking sick of asking that question in my head.

Jigsaw

I have realised that everythin in life is a jigsaw.  Relationships, living arangements, uni courses.... all a part of a bigger jigsaw.  The whole world is this puzzle where I'm not quite sure where I fit.  I want to connect.  I want to be a part of it all.  Yet, Somehow never feel I'm in the right place.  It's because of this I'm going to find where I fit in this.  I'm taking some time out over the next few weeks to just be me.  To not worry about others.  Try to find my place.  Hopefully I will find other jigsaw pieces I fully fit into,  instead of craming myself in where I think I go and pretending it's alright.

Because it's not.

It's really.... really... not.

Poem #12

Familiar.

Two roads did diverge in that wood of yellow.
He was correct.
All along I thought it was a metaphor.
Silly me.
To think I over thought it.

I sat there thinking about which path to actually take.
The one untrodden.
You would think he would make it more obvious.
Identical paths.
In the end I took the path on the left.

I followed it along and felt unhappy suddenly.
The path was yellow.
Yet had no scarecrow joining me to sing along the way.
I looked down.
The path was white and the yellow wood reflected a gold shimmer.

I kept going only to find myself unhappy once again.
I was at a fork.
It looked exactly like the diverge I was at before.
It was the same one.
The path led me in a circle and I feel stupid.

I took the path on the left instead.
Followed it with glee.
Things seemed so familiar that it made my stomach churn.
The path still shimmered.
It gave me comfort that something different might be beyond the bend.

I found myself at the diverge again.
Fuck that poem.
I have learnt from my mistakes and became a better person.
I don't need you.
I felt comfortable at that point with my decision.

I smiled, and took the path on the left.

Hrmmm...

I can't describe how I am feeling at this moment.  I have always wanted that chance.  I never thought it was out there.  Even if it wasn't the right chance, it was still a chance.

I didn't realise it was one.... now it's gone....

Another chance would be nice... who ever is listening.

Make it like a scene from Serendipity.  That would be nice.  A chance encounter.

No.

A second chance encounter.

xx Action Wolfe

Poem #11

You might notice I write poem often... They are because I can get shit off my chest without being direct about what I'm saying.  Yet still express it on here.

I look at you're sillouette.
It's that nothingness that floats through the light.
Everything around you is vivid and detailed.
But you are just empty space.
You are undefined.
Which is expected, but the void stays.
I have got over the others. 
They were shadows, nothing more nothing less.
You are something different.
Untouchable.  Unreachable.
Unpredictable.
Anticipated.
Hypothetical.
Maybe you don't even exist.

xx action wolfe