Change.

So I talked about change in my last blog.  The reasonIdidn't really want to talk about it was because I am still coming to terms with a lot in my head.

Within the last 11 days I have had a total health overhaul.  I decided enough was enough and have made big advances in where I am with myself.  At times now I can see the goals, at times I fears slipping back to where I was.  Within 11 days I have lost close to 7 kilos, became a hell of a lot fitter and starting to understand what I was doing wrong within the lifestyle I was living in.  It was not healthy, but I learnt to be that way from a young age.  In saying that I do not blame the people who brought me up, I love them to pieces, they were doing their best to bring me up strong and healthy.  I have to unlearn my bad habbits.

Over the last 2 weeks I have been hit with these sudden realisations of what the old me was like.  I had incorrect portion sizes. I had incorrect diatary ideals.  I had a lack of enthusiasm for exercise.  Now, I am trying to correct all these. Normally weight loss would go slowly and be a long drawn out process, and it should be.  But with the help of my doctor I have been able to speed it up.  Because it has happened quickly, for the first time I realised how big of an impact 7 kilos can make.  Clothes that are baggy on me now were tight two weeks ago.  I actually ran last night during my exercise session and enjoyed it.  I feel like I'm coming forward in bounds and leaps.

The moment that hit the the worst however, is at my birthday dinner.  I watched a member of my family consume a large amount of food.  Whilst watching in awe, suddenly realised that was once me.  My mother and sister kept asking if I wanted to try some of theirs, or I could finnish their plate for them.  That's when it struck.  I was a living garbage disposal.  I declined.  On the way home I had images of me scoffing in the middle of a restraunt and my family just going on with life as if me doing that was normal because they were used to it.  On the way home I burst into tears.  First sad ones, and then they turned into tears of happiness. I have finally found the power to escape this grasp being overweight has on me.

Sure I have a long way to go, but I believe this time I am going to get there.  I am going to enjoy life instead of living behind a facade of happiness.  I refuse to go back to the weight that I was, and I refuse to stay at the weight that I am at.  No matter how slow or drawn out the process is.

Yes, this blog has a common connection between the posts that is love.  This is the post where I tell you that I amn trying to love myself, because where I was at two weeks ago was me being comfortable with myself.  But I didn't love me, and if you can't say you love being you your life wont eventuate.  Or it will, just a dull and uncolourful version of it.

xx Action Wolfe