The Move >> Farewell Blogger

Dear Wolfies,
I needed a change that blogger could not give me.
I have continued my evolution blogs at:

actionwolfe.wordpress.com

xx

Change.

So I talked about change in my last blog.  The reasonIdidn't really want to talk about it was because I am still coming to terms with a lot in my head.

Within the last 11 days I have had a total health overhaul.  I decided enough was enough and have made big advances in where I am with myself.  At times now I can see the goals, at times I fears slipping back to where I was.  Within 11 days I have lost close to 7 kilos, became a hell of a lot fitter and starting to understand what I was doing wrong within the lifestyle I was living in.  It was not healthy, but I learnt to be that way from a young age.  In saying that I do not blame the people who brought me up, I love them to pieces, they were doing their best to bring me up strong and healthy.  I have to unlearn my bad habbits.

Over the last 2 weeks I have been hit with these sudden realisations of what the old me was like.  I had incorrect portion sizes. I had incorrect diatary ideals.  I had a lack of enthusiasm for exercise.  Now, I am trying to correct all these. Normally weight loss would go slowly and be a long drawn out process, and it should be.  But with the help of my doctor I have been able to speed it up.  Because it has happened quickly, for the first time I realised how big of an impact 7 kilos can make.  Clothes that are baggy on me now were tight two weeks ago.  I actually ran last night during my exercise session and enjoyed it.  I feel like I'm coming forward in bounds and leaps.

The moment that hit the the worst however, is at my birthday dinner.  I watched a member of my family consume a large amount of food.  Whilst watching in awe, suddenly realised that was once me.  My mother and sister kept asking if I wanted to try some of theirs, or I could finnish their plate for them.  That's when it struck.  I was a living garbage disposal.  I declined.  On the way home I had images of me scoffing in the middle of a restraunt and my family just going on with life as if me doing that was normal because they were used to it.  On the way home I burst into tears.  First sad ones, and then they turned into tears of happiness. I have finally found the power to escape this grasp being overweight has on me.

Sure I have a long way to go, but I believe this time I am going to get there.  I am going to enjoy life instead of living behind a facade of happiness.  I refuse to go back to the weight that I was, and I refuse to stay at the weight that I am at.  No matter how slow or drawn out the process is.

Yes, this blog has a common connection between the posts that is love.  This is the post where I tell you that I amn trying to love myself, because where I was at two weeks ago was me being comfortable with myself.  But I didn't love me, and if you can't say you love being you your life wont eventuate.  Or it will, just a dull and uncolourful version of it.

xx Action Wolfe

Hey Wolfies.

The reason I haven't blogged in a bit is because I haven't needed to.

I'm going through a self transformation at the moment.

I'm shedding things out of my life that aren't doing me any favors.

Don't worry blogs will keep coming, just need to do this before I start writing again.

xx Action Wolfe

Role of a lifetime.

"Everything's an act when you're pleasing everyone, but he assumes that role to such renown."

****

"The role of a lifetime is living a fantasy, a battle that you struggle to erase."

*****

Bare - A Rock Musical

This blog is about falling for someone who isn't comparable with you.  Which seems to be the error of my ways as of late.  Some how I seem to have an avert attraction to straight guys.  I could be in a crowd full of gay men, and I'd seamlessly fall for the odd straight guy int he group without hesitation.  I don't know whether I go through this subconsciously or whether it's just an act of fate, but it happens every time.  The last four guys I have been interested in have all gave off the interested vibe to me - but it's never enough to go further.  It's always a more than friends friendship with nothing but lame awkward moments.  Awkward moments that are extremely hot, but awkward moments none the less.

At the end of the day if I did fall for a straight guy, it would be a waste of time because:

1. I refuse to closet myself and have a secret relationship.
2. I wouldn't want to be the reason someone came out.  If their family spazzed out over the idea of their son being gay, I would be the reason their son is gay and that's how they would see it.
3. I wouldn't want to force someone out of the closet.  It's not fair.  It's a personal journey people have to accept on their own.

If it did happen with the perfect guy - I'm sure I'd try to endure through it, but they'd have to understand I'm not going to hide myself from the world.  It's not like I go around screaming "I'm a faggot - look at my rainbow wear!"  But, you know.  I don't mind telling people I'm gay - it's who I am and I'm comfortable with it.

Let's see where this all takes me in the long run Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe

Unconditional love.

It's a frightning thing, the idea that someone can love you for you no matter what you do, say, act, commit.

Unconditional.  Under no conditions will anything change how much someone loves you.

Many people in even the strongest relationships have their breaking point.  It's where that point is that makes the whole idea of love interesting.  At what point does the damage that someone has done to you outweight the love you feel for them?  Lets face it, love is a very cruel thing.  Coming from someone who has never been in said love, from the outside looking in sometimes I want to slap people.  Because lets face it.  Love makes people do crazy shit.  Other people might not understand, but that balance of love decides whether something is make of break.

What about if you love someone without them feeling the same back?  What if you feel soo strongly for someone and they don't love you in return?  Why do you keep having the same feeling.  Doesn't the hurt of rejection push you to the area of love where bitterness comes from?

Love.  The act of love.  The emotion of love.

It is all a bit lost on me, yet I hang on to that notion that one day I will find someone who will love me unconditionally.

That's all for now Wolfies.

I've neglected you for 2 weeks, does your love for my posts outweight the annoyance of my ignorance for blogs.

Let's face it you have to live life for a blog to happen.

That's why I haven't written of late.  Nothing has triggered me.

xx Action Wolfe

Sorry bout the week.

There hasn't been any post for a week because I've been intensely ill and haven't had the energy to do anything.

I will post tomorrow after "The Chase", which is like an amazing race around Perth.

Sorry Wolfies.

xxAction Wolfe

That's pretty gay.....

"Oh won't you bail me out of this rut, I've got myself in once again."

-Pete Murray

Here are the ten reasons I hate being gay:

1)  Falling for straight men.
I tend to fall head over heals for "straight" guys who aren't going to come out any time soon.  For some reason it is the trending feature in all the guys I end up liking for longer than a few weeks.  I keep getting told "You shouldn't be like that with straight guys" but it's not really my choice who I'm attracted to - I just am.

2)  Being mistaken as a boyfriend.
Every time I go out with my female friends, whether it is to Zumba (honestly, what straight man would do Zumba) or just out for coffee with people who don't know me it is always assumed I'm dating the girl I'm with.  This leads to that awkward moment where you actually explain "Nope, even though I'm not a flip of a girly girl I like the cock.  It's true."

3)  Sexuality is not gender.
Just because I'm gay people actually EXPECT that I am going to be flamboyant.  Believe it or not I don't think sexuality is a key thing that defines someone way of life.  It is a label that semantically represents who they are attracted to in a partner.

4)  Being referred to as a female.
Ok, so some of my close friends do it as a joke, but it's just that, the know it's a pet peeve and they play on it.  If you don't know a gay guy, don't call him "Girlfriend", "Girl", or directly say "You can hang with the chicks because you're not really a man."  Believe it or not it does happen on a regular basis.  People automatically assume you like to talk about your menstruation patterns and makeup.


5)  Being friends with straight guys.
Whenever I take a male friend anywhere with me to a party, people automatically presume it's because something is going on behind the scenes.  People, if it was it still isn't any of your business.  If it was I'd have told you.


6)  Gay men are sluts.
It's true in 97% of cases.

7)  Gay men don't believe in monogamy.
I have only found a handful of gay men who believe monogamy is something worth having.  I see it as sex comes with a connection, no matter how much you say it was meaningless.  It's still fucking someone because your attracted to them.  If you weren't you wouldn't fuck them.  If you are so strongly connected to someone in a relationship you shouldn't feel the need to go and connect with other men. 


8)  Gay men aren't meant to be in monogamous relationships because males have higher sex drives.
Fuck off - straight men don't have higher sex drives yet they can resist the urge to get their cocks wet and keep it in their pants.  It's a cop out.  Seriously.

9)  You don't look gay.
Yes, believe it or not some gay guys don't like to dress in high fashioned clothing and go got the gym twice daily.  It's like straight people.  We come in many different shapes, sizes, colours and backgrounds.  It's like saying to a metro-sexual "You don't look straight."  They will be offended.

10)  Gay men are bitches.
Okay, I can bitch with the best of them.  It's true.  I'm not going to lie about that, but do you know how much those bitchy little queens annoy me.  Sometime when you even just walk past them or get introduced they look at you as if you have just shat on a midget whilst singing the sound of music.  Get off you're high horse Mr.Queen.  You're a human like us.

Sooo.... that was my 10 reasons why I hate being gay.  I know they aren't that big of a deal, but I kinda had that rant in my head for about 20 minutes and decided to jot it down.  Most of them intertwine with one another.  That's the way life work thought.

I think that's all for now Wolfies.

xx Action Wolfe