Not another stupid love blog.

At the moment I have been needing to escape - meet new people - explore - generate new ideas - new friendships - run without stopping - break free - start a new part of my life - experience things I have yet to experience.

I am coming to the slow realization that none of this will happen - well not as of yet anyhow.

I'm sick of being on this side of the fence when tat side is soo much greener. Sure it might not be - but how am I to know. Many people have came back and it's had mixed reviews about it's greenness... I want to experience the fucking lawn for myself!

Yes that was a euphemism, but hey, I feel like I'm about to break and become a diluted version of High School Musical - which is not a good thing.

I have noticed my blogs have been all emo lately - it's a stage I promise - it will go again... hopefully to burn out and die. I suppose it's better its like that then rainbows and butterflys all the time - otherwise I'd have nothing to write about.

Tonight I got drunk with my sister and danced to music, cooked, and are about to watch a horror movie. I've made myself extra drunk so it scares me more.

I'm off.

xx Action Wolfe

Poem #7

I can see.
by Action Wolfe

I could break.
And I will, it's coming.
Waiting for someone to put straw on my back.

I see things.
If you were there, you would know.
It's there and I can feel it but no one else see's it.

He knows it.
He hides it, keeps it in the shadows.
He seems to be sneaky like that which makes me the fool.

Fuck it all.
What, is it worth the pain?
Sometimes I think it could make a brilliant change to this.

Monotony.
It's time for a change, I think.
Just not with the one I expected to change my life with.

xAction Wolfe

A letter to the ones that weren't

I have to write this - and I'm not quite sure why...

I got the sudden urge to when driving from Bunbury today and listening to Missy Higgins.

More for me to get all of it out of my head - instead of just pondering about it on my own.

-------------------------------------------

Dear #1,
You fucked me over. You made me less confident and uncomfortable with myself without even realizing it. You were the first one I was willing to feel for, to let lose for, to be here for. In one moment, you walked out of the room. In the same moment, lost me in the process. Every time I see you I feel the same things. Every time I see you I want it to work. But it wont. And I'm not saying that because I'm trying to protect myself. More because I'm realistic.
x Action
p.s. Fuck you. You fuck with your head - just the wrong one. Moving on.

Dear #2
You have hardly a clue. So I don't hold it against you at all. The problem I have with you is me. I read to much into things. I thought there was more than there was. I got the semiotics all wrong. Then again I think to myself over what has happened - and I debate whether it was or not. Which fucks me over more. I swear there were signs. One only ytouches and hugs another so many times before it's gay! Stop sitting on the fence.
x Action

Dear #3
Stop being hot. Stop catching my train. Stop me from imagining you as characters in my books, you are my Jacob Black. And that says something. You are a delusion to me. I catch you looking at me on the bust trips, in the ref, when we bump into each other at the shops. You are a constant reminder of someone who I consider perfect.
x Action

Dear #4
Stop writing me notes in class. Stop smiling and initiating jokes about the annoying guy that sits next to us. Stop the wry smile you do. STOP IT. IF ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN I DONT WANT YOU TO BE DOING THIS. If you want it to happen - make a move - I refuse to for so many reasons. Mainly because of what has happened with #1 and #3.

Dear #5
No offence - nothing else will happen. So if every time we meet you think we have a 'connection' don't. I look forward to awkward moments next time we see one another. Wait. I expect them.
x Action

Dear Uni
Fuck off and die - can't wait for this relationship to be over.
x Action

Dear Reader
Comment more - I'm lacking feedback.
x Action

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As you can see I'm in a pretty - lay it on the table type mood. Mainly because many things have happened that have made me think about everyone. FML at the end of the day - at least that's how I feel.

xx Action Wolfe

Dancing Through Life... For Once.

Today a whole heap of the Children's Theater crew went in to paint the backdrops and other elements of this years stage. It is such a good mix of students for this year production and I think the script is really sharp - for adults and children.

The painting really got me in a good mood, as well as random jokes and brilliant music. Was a really nice vibe - regenerating to a degree.

I am heading to Bun-vegus (my home town) this weekend - will be nice to get drunk with friends, shout at randoms and hang with family. Not to mention to get some homework done in the quiet atmosphere of the farm. Really looking forward to it - just not the drive down. I suppose I will just get the wicked soundtrack going and sing it for the hour and a half trip.

I have to learn my lines to - love the character but I am still getting used to doing a pirate voice. Practice is what I need I think - and abit more of a cheerful tone.

Anyway - I'm gunna hit the hay.
Looking forward to kicking my feet up and drinking tomorrow night.

xx Action Wolfe

YES! LETS!

Ok - so at this very moment I am a zombie. I cannot sleep - alas this blog is not about that.

I feel like my lives this massive game of Yes Lets at the moment (click here if you don't know what it is). But not the good way - more like year 8's playing Yes Lets. They do it mean and try to get each other to do embarasing stuff. It also feels about over exagerated - as if a host from playschool is saying yes lets. So if remains quirky and upbeat - whilst the undertones are monotonous and sinister.

Action, Do you want to feel lost and abit confused?

YES! LETS!

How about you feel lonely, yet find people your interested in, but the matching has fatal flaws?

YES! LETS!

How about you get shoved into a billion pages of paperwork for uni?

YES! LETS!

How about some emotional fuckwading? ey?

YES! LETS! WHY NOT!

Hrm- What about you have a burning desire to just drink every weekend and party like a mad man, and having it never happening?

YES! LETS! DELIGHTFUL!

How about you have every person remind you how lonely and desprate you have become?

YES! LETS! WONDERFUL!

How about you stab someone in the face?

YES! LETS!

... ok maybe not the last one but you get the point.

It feels like someone is purposly pulling stings on my life - to make it this monotonous melodramatic hell hole. I kinda just want this year to be over. I want a freash start. New town. New job. New people. . . of course that would mean I'd have to do the whole coming out thing to people again - URG I HATE IT! hahaaha.

xx Action Wolfe

Art is. Love is.

At the moment all I'm getting is bombarded with people conceptualizing love. Whether it be single people, coupled people, people who shouldn't be people. They all have their theories. At the end of the day I think love is a lot like art.

ART IS.
LOVE IS.

In a scientific way, no in poem or sonnet, here is a list of reason why:
(if it were in a poem or sonnet that would be mixing art with reasoning why love is like art hence creating a bias....)

Love and Art:

• cannot be forced. If they are they do not work at the end of the day.
• can be interpreted by everyone who see's them. More than often people let their ideologies and biases judge people for having "love" or making "art".
• do not need reasoning. They happen.
• both start fresh and die old.
• explode amongst our souls.
• are expressions.
• are making you think. Even making others double take.
• are about being free of boundaries and boarders.
• is not the same for any one person.
• cannot be defined. If they are, the definition does not include every aspect of them.
• mean different things to different people, ones persons love may be wasted on another. This is the same as with art.
• both confront people.
• are both ways to live your life.
• are ways of exploring who you are as a person.
• are unrequited.
• make one hopeless. You can easily become a slave to both.
• allows others to make you a spectacle. They put you on a pedestal for both.
• come in many different forms. Love - Unrequited, sadistic, blackmailed, ect... Art- Sculpture, literature, paintings, ect....
• have blurred boundaries. Where does one start love/art, and where does love/art officially become love/art.
• both make statements about the people involved, like visual iconography.
• can, on the other hand, mean nothing, and be useless.

IF ART AND LOVE ARE SO SIMILAR
ARE WE JUST

ARTISTS OF ROMANCE
CREATORS OF SIN
AUTEURS OF PASSION

OR IS IT JUST A GAME
THAT WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND
THAT WE SHOULD NOT UNDERSTAND

WHY SHOULD WE BOTHER

xx Action Wolfe

Poem #6

Connection - Restrung
By Action Wolfe

Eros, Ludus, Storge, Pragma, Mania, Agape.
So many types, so many ways.

First sight would be nice.
Unrequited would be romantic.

Forbidden would be exciting.
Abusive would be aggravating.

It would be a change.
A whole new vision on life.

The duality of it all alludes me.
My internal clock ticks louder each day.

Better than this textual type.
Yet no one has been closer to me than that thing.

Keep living a fantasy that is a lie.
Maybe struggle with this paradigm alone.

Intellectual connection got me excited.
But is love really the heads place to decide.

xx Action Wolfe

TWISTED arrives

xx Action Wolfe

Of course I like chicken.

Well... at the moment I have a billion things to still do, around the house and at university. At the same time I really really don't want to do any of it. If I had a choice I would be laying on the beach drinking long island ice teas. Or even just spend a week like I would two years ago - lay around the house for a week and get the fuck over it - sure it would mean a week of being low, and not communicating, and becoming manically depressed. After that week however - I would last a good 6 months. It was a bargain I continually made.

At the moment I have a day at the most just to get over myself - so I find myself going through slumps. Almost every few days everything gets to much and I need time out from everything. Which is normal I think... well normal for me.

In saying that - at the moment I am in a really good mood. The weekend has re-energized me. After going out with George, Kitty and Mike it gave me that second wind. Like I was riding on cloud nine for the first half of the week - It was good to go out and be amongst the gays - and know that other people have the same views and lifestyle as me.

As for catching you up on my love life - not much has changed. A few interests, a few potentials, but nothing much on the horizon. LAME! haha.

I'm going to open up TWISTED tonight so check it out once its open.

:)

xx Action Wolfe

Poem #5

IN TIME
by action wolfe

I will be fine - in the end of it all.
There is nothing to dismay about, my companions.
There will be no loss - nor there will be no condemned.

Stuck in this - its like groundhog day.
The days roll one into the next, and then another.
It won't end - no matter what anyone says or does.

I think a lot - about what could happen.
Like a pick a path each night, I think about the future.
Every path - there is that unrequited path.

Every day expected - every day the same outcome.
The continuous repetition, the continuous frustration.
If I could - I would jump a year of my life.

I would lose time - but it would stop this.
This monotony, it's deafening to my soul.
I want to speed forward - in time to make me happier.

I don't think I would miss it.

xx Action Wolfe
Expecting to release Twisted tomorrow night hopefully guys. Soz there has been hardly any entries lately - uni has been killing me softly, not with song but assignments.

Possibly the best night.... for a while anyways.

So last night I went to my friend Emma's house for a dinner party with her med friends. Was interesting because I had heard about all of them but never actually met them before. Was interesting being with such a mix of people it wasn't funny - all so different but they all had the same sense of humor - which i really clicked with as well.

Then it happened. The med students started dropping like flies. One by one they evacuated away from the drunk arts students to get back to their science frame of thought... Emma and I walked the last one out - then proceeded to the park, an unwritten rule for visits to Emma. Somehow we got it into our heads that we wanted to hit the clubs - mainly the ones filled with gays.

I text many a person. No reply - the suddenly 20minutes later there was a glimmer of hope!

Kitty came to the rescue - alas by the time she got there (which was only like 15 minutes) Emma had drunkenly passed out "tired" (Emma just doesn't like gay people) and I cannot confirm it but there was probably some kind of drool seeping onto her pillow. :P

So the Kitty Kat took me to The Court - one of my favorite bars ever. Hardly ever have a bad time there. So we went out the back of it - and ran into our friends Michael and George (one of the funniest guys I know, and George is a crazy arse girl that is loud and just brilliant to be around. We ended up dancing, doing rounds of beer, talking to randoms.

At one point I said "I don't have many gay friends" and then ran into 12 that I knew. Which I found kinda comical.

After we danced and I talked my way into a closed off area to use the at the moment by mentioning I know the guy at the bar. So we went from there and got a slice of pizza - and went to Connections - which I'm not the biggest fan of, but was nice, except for the $20 entry fee that I was like what the fuck at.

We ended our night by going to Michael's for one last beer and listening to gay music. Was nice.

I ended up getting back to Emma's at 5.30am. Had a blast.

Need I say I paid for it in the morning - I didn't just have A hangover, I had THE hangover. haha.

xx Action Wolfe
A new fairytale is about to be unleashed...

This link says it all...

You all may know that I have a big thing for Jensen Ackles!!

This is the reason why!!!!

CLICK HERE!

That is all- that video explains my huge arse celebrity crush.

xx Action Wolfe

Every time

Every time I see this add it kills me.

I am a drinker, so these adds kinda hit hard.






It is on TV like 5 times a night.

Each times I get tingles.

Just one of those adds that makes you stop and think.

xx Action Wolfe

Connection in an Isolating Age

Over the last few day's I have been a bit lost. Don't get me wrong, I am not down, upset, angry or defused. I am actually feeling the most mentally stable I have in quite a long time. I just feel a bit lost.

When I get like these my dreams become more erratic and it causes me to have a lack of sleep - not because I can't sleep but cause I wake up through the night. Leaving me no time to REM the night away. It may have a lot to do with Uni - but I don't feel stressed.... should I?

I know bridges are falling all over my networks- but I feel as if I am still striding confidently over them.

... I'm all set to unleash "Twisted" on the world... but just waiting for a day where I feel like it should happen.

I know I have had too much red wine when the bed feels empty... it's huge tonight. Sometimes I miss my king single because it's hard to feel solemn.

xx Action Wolfe

Hrm... Bare train of thought...

Today in class we talked about love being a disease.
If that was the case why do I feel like I need to go out and get everyone to sneeze on me.

Anyway - Bare - so many thoughts rush into my head while I listen to this music. One of the lines goes "One day he will wake up an realize these feelings just won't go away." If you ever have had a connection with someone - you know that it is impossible to wipe it. No matter how hard you try - that connection will be there if nothing has occurred to change it. Time - time just makes it worse. No matter how much you detach. No matter how much you forget. The next time you see them - they come rushing back. It hurts - because it's just a vision you had - not anyone else.

Bare also has the line "me and my prince charming, we will lay there and count a thousand sheep" which makes me smile - but get upset at the same time. The duality of the line. The perfection of the word. The inevitable void it can create.

xx Action Wolfe

Red Wine

Tonight - for the first time in forever - I drank some red and relaxed.

I had a 5 hour tute this arvo - and a 4 hour tute in the morning... and I thought Tuesdays were my hard days!!

So - in the days ahead I will be doing my assignments and listening to "Bare" which I finally got a copy of. Haha. My newest project at the moment is starting my viewer guided fairy tale blog. If you get a chance once it starts up give it a gizzy - will tell you all about it when it opens. :P


If your interested give me a comment here too... show me if i should be prepared for a shitload of work or not. :P

Anyway - I'm passing out at the comp - sorry for lack of entries lately. :(

Will keep up with it soon.

xx Action Wolfe

Twisted - a reader effected fairy tale

Ok - I am in the process of clearing some of my creativity - in order to clear my head and express my creative writing needs that I don't get from my average day to day blogs.

I'm currently setting up a blog called "Twisted" which will be themed on the feedback and idea's - which is going to be fun to use some of the ideas and work with the story and characters. In the process creating a workpeice that is not only enjoyable but interactive. If there isn't interactivity for a week - the next entry will come exactly as I envisioned it.

The story has actually started with two of my friend picking things they want in the story - hence it has already began as a viewer based storyline. I actually really like the first entry so far - just want to design the perfect page for it.

:) will keep you all updated about the progress over the week - and when I open it up to the public you should all have aq gizzy.

Of course any other idea's for it - comment them here and I will try my best to incorperate some into the basic plot I have dwelling in my head.

xx Action Wolfe